Get the picture? I'm not okay.

And I don't know why.

Last night I had to call Live Help because I wanted to cut and even though I was outwardly, and maybe inwardly calm, my brain was telling me to take the pills.

Today I got that weird chest feeling again and cut a lot and I can't calm down and I want to cut some more and I was supposed to be asleep...

I gave Jon nightmares because of something I did at the wedding. I didn't realize I'd worried him that much. He's been so shaken up ever since I had those seizures, he can't take his eyes off me. He never lets me wander off alone, just in case.

At the reception hall yesterday there were tons of people, which makes me extremely nervous. Every once in a while I'd want to go for a walk outside, around the building. At one point I went out, but I forgot to tell Jon. I was already out...