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Posted September 3rd 2012 at 04:58 PM by escape♥
I want to be able to say I'm happy, and actually mean it. I want to be able to eat a piece of cake, without crying or purging or anything else. I want to not keep finding ways to hurt myself. I slipped up, again. Found another blade, sliced my wrist open. It felt so..amazing. And yet I'm so ashamed. I can't stop wanting to hurt myself. I can't help that I just want to stop breathing, but I don't want to leave E.
I told E that I've only been half-ass trying to recover. I promised I...
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Happiness is waiting for you<3
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Views 660
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Posted July 21st 2012 at 03:17 PM by escape♥
Updated July 22nd 2012 at 02:58 AM by escape♥
Yesterday, I had therapy. I really needed it, the voice was screaming at me, constantly.
"Your not good enough! Get off your fat ass and loose some weight! As long as your thin, nothing else matters! You want to be perfect, right?!" Etc, etc etc. 
I was reading something a while ago about how it doesn't matter if your thin if your dead, and immediatly my eating disorder says: "Who cares if your dead as long as your thin. The thinnest. I know you would do anything...
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Happiness is waiting for you<3
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Views 445
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Posted June 19th 2012 at 10:20 PM by escape♥
It's raining like the world's ending. I love it.  I'm proud of myself in a sense. Today, I was restricting. Counting every calorie, feeling the emptyness, counting my excersize, etc. I was doing SO WELL.  But then I decided I was hungry, and I realized, do I really want to go back to that? Do I really want to have to explain to my parents yet again why I am doing this? Do I really want this? And I decided, No. I don't want this. I just want to be perfect and that's impossible. So, I ate...
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Happiness is waiting for you<3
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Views 432
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Posted June 13th 2012 at 04:13 AM by escape♥
Updated June 13th 2012 at 04:42 AM by Storyteller.
(Weight numbers are against the ToS.)
So, I have an eating disorder. That is still so hard to just, type. I still think of people with eating disorders as [edited], and beautiful. But thats not always the case, like me for instance.
Today has been, difficult. My parents made me clean my room. and I kept finding little trinkets from when my eating disorder had control of my life. It was really triggering. 
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Happiness is waiting for you<3
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Views 476
Comments 3
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