I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. I've been trying to pull this off for a year now, I didn't think it would ever happen.

On Thursday I sat down and had a talk with my conservative, over-protective, old fashioned mom. I stayed very calm and respectful. She didn't, however. Even though I asked her before I ever started talking to please, please let me say everything I had to say before she jumped in, she must've interrupted me at least 10 times. And she yelled....

No matter how many times people try to convince me otherwise, no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, I always feel in my heart that I'll never be good enough. That no matter how hard I try it'll never be enough. That I'll never succeed. That nothing will ever change for me.

I go through periods of doing good. Today was one of my better days in THREE WEEKS. But I know it won't last. It never lasts. I've been so depressed lately even though I never show it, everything...

I did it again. I cut. On the arm. Only once but still. I have NO excuse whatsoever as to how I could have gotten a cut there. Fuck. I really can't lose my phone and my computer, I really can't be grounded. I just can't do this. Even with worrying about getting caught I am calmed down now, because the SH calms me and that's why I DO this, and I probably won't worry too much more about it as soon as I find a valid excuse for why it's there, but still. It's really not a bad cut either, not too deep...

My second therapy session went well. Last time I was there, S said that she wanted to talk to my parents. She even told them that she wanted to talk to them, and then either she forgot, or she just didn't. If she didn't, it meant it was probably for the LGBT issue, and I told her not to. My mom wanted to talk to her today too so I was freaking out the entire time, but then SHE forgot. Interesting.
My therapist said I was making progress on my perfectionism, but I don't think so. It's just...