I'm sure some of you who have answered my HelpLINK ticket once remember that I was thinking of going on a date with this one girl? Well, I realized that it wouldn't work out because of how busy I am. I stopped texting her basically, but it really was accidental that I did. I just was always way too busy to text her back, and eventually she gave up.

I went to her Facebook page today. She already has a girlfriend. She seemed so desperate to get with me, too. I don't know, it seems strange....

I don't even know. Ever since a few days before school started I've been feeling depressed, or maybe anxious, or a bit of both again. I don't really want to do work or accept the new changes and personally I find everything kind of hellish right now. The classes, some of the people, everything. I sat there in class yesterday and randomly felt like crying and there have been times where I have felt that pressure in my chest, that sad-scared feeling in my heart.

I'm tired, but I'm never...

My second therapy session went well. Last time I was there, S said that she wanted to talk to my parents. She even told them that she wanted to talk to them, and then either she forgot, or she just didn't. If she didn't, it meant it was probably for the LGBT issue, and I told her not to. My mom wanted to talk to her today too so I was freaking out the entire time, but then SHE forgot. Interesting.
My therapist said I was making progress on my perfectionism, but I don't think so. It's just...

I try coming out to my mom today. Know what she says? Pretty much stuff along the lines of: "Who's a lesbian making you want to be one? You want to be everything you read. Start thinking with your own mind for once, if you think you're a lesbian you really do have problems."
I KNEW she was going to say that, I just KNEW that. Everything is a game to her, my self harm, suicidal thoughts. You know what? I don't fucking KNOW why I feel so bad all the time, I really DON'T. And by...

Sometimes my mother makes it really fucking hard for me to tell her shit. No, impossible.


Everything that I do is me playing “a game” to her.
My Self Harm is just me playing a game. It’s just me doing it for attention. Yeah, because I’m going to get fucking addicted to something and do it whenever I feel like shit, which is often, for attention. And then hide it.
My suicidal thoughts aren’t that bad. The school was totally just overreacting when they told you....

I know I'm only fifteen. I know that I have quite some time left to figure this stuff out. I know that labels are just made by society and things change, that you don't always fit into one label. I was talking to someone on here tonight and he really helped me with that and I really appreciate that. This person hopefully knows who I am talking about, and if he stumbles across this, thank you so much.
I really would love to know who the fuck I am, though. A lot of the time I think that I am...