Well, tomorrow Jon gets his first paycheck. Now of course I don't like that he wants to spend his money to go and get me nice things and take me out, but at the same time I can't help feeling excited about going out with him.

He wants to take me out to eat at a really good Mexican restaraunt downtown; he's taken me there once before, and the food is very good and at a very reasonable price!

There's one other thing he really wants to do, and I wish he wouldn't...

That's right, Jon finally found a job. His uncle is close friends with the owner of this pub downtown, so he was able to get a job there since they needed someone pretty bad. It's not easy work though, his shift is 11 hours long!

He called me this morning at 10, which surprised me because he didn't get off work until 3 am. He told me about his day, making pizzas and chicken, washing dishes, severely burning his thumb and index finger. He said it's hard work, but he's just happy...

I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. I've been trying to pull this off for a year now, I didn't think it would ever happen.

On Thursday I sat down and had a talk with my conservative, over-protective, old fashioned mom. I stayed very calm and respectful. She didn't, however. Even though I asked her before I ever started talking to please, please let me say everything I had to say before she jumped in, she must've interrupted me at least 10 times. And she yelled....

I gave Jon nightmares because of something I did at the wedding. I didn't realize I'd worried him that much. He's been so shaken up ever since I had those seizures, he can't take his eyes off me. He never lets me wander off alone, just in case.

At the reception hall yesterday there were tons of people, which makes me extremely nervous. Every once in a while I'd want to go for a walk outside, around the building. At one point I went out, but I forgot to tell Jon. I was already out...

I'm finally off leave (yay!), but I'm tired after all the stuff I've been doing recently. I've been helping my boyfriend's family with wedding plans (his sister is getting married), I went to his family reunion, I had 2 seizures, I helped with wedding planning, I had to clean my entire house, I helped with more wedding planning, I twisted my ankle, and I helped with wedding planning. Did I mention wedding planning?

Anyway, the wedding is today and it's 7:30 am. I'm tired, but I have...

That's right, today Jon graduated from high school with honors and with straight A's and B's all year. The cord on his neck represents 4 years of dedication to the ROTC program, in which he earned several ribbons, medals, and awards, and was also a flight captain. He also had many awards from the ROTC summer leadership school program, but he has strayed away from his plans to go into the military; instead he is going to study computer technology.

High school finished, so what's the...

Okay, the photo shoot went very well, aside from a few bumps!

First, it took us 5 hours in the woods and fields taking pictures. Way longer than I expected. Next, I lost my locket. That locket is precious to me and I wanted to cry when I realized it was gone. It could've been anywhere in those woods, or the field. We searched for over 30 minutes and finally went inside for a rest. Jon kept promising he would keep searching after I went home, that he'd search all day tomorrow...

Well, today was a bad day. Mom yelled at me a lot again. Things were finally peaceful, but it was only a short reprieve.

She yelled at me for so many things that were stupid, and not even my fault. I don't want to go into it too much. However, there was some good in my day. Jon stayed on the phone with me later than usual, and we reminisced about some things in our relationship. Strangely, we reminisced most about the time he was in the hospital. It was our hardest time together,...

Yep, I hate my life. The one and only thing keeping me going is Jon. Jon never fails to comfort and encourage me, but then mom comes in and tears down the walls of hope he helps me build.

She says I have no life, she says I'm not good enough, she says I'll fail if I try, she says I'm never going to be anybody.

I'm nobody. I'm useless. I'm stupid for dreaming.

You know why I love being with Jon? He's the only person in the world capable of comforting me...