I haven't posted in a while and thought it would be a good idea.
Exams are coming up this week. Ugh.
I had a pretty good holiday.
I have been on my instagram quite a lot.

I want to let you know that if you are reading this and are in a tough spot right now, I totally understand.
If you feel the need to send me a message or email me, that's great! I've been in a great mood the past week and feel that I should be helping others with it. It's not a great idea...

I realized that maybe the reason not a lot of people read my blog is because they don't know a lot about me. Well, I don't open up easily, but I figured I'd give it a try.
My name is Lexi, I'm 15 years old, I was born in Florida, USA. My parents didn't get along very well because my dad was a drunk, smoking stoner. They fought all the time, and it became routine for me to hear my father beat my mother at night. Then, when I was three years old, my father decided to give me bath and while the...

I realize I don't want to be.
Or feel.
Or do anything at all.

Part of me doesn't want to go to college.
Or get a job.
Or drive.

I wish I had the heart to push people away.
But I still do care about them.
Just not in the right ways.
And far from enough.

Too many things are coming to an end.
And way too many are beginning.

I'm tired.
I wish I could lay in my bed for the rest of...

I got a new blade. Again. My friend sent me this one. Cut today for no particular reason except to try it out. This one works the best out of all of them. But it's still not enough. It still won't give me the satisfaction I want since I can't slice myself whenever I want. Now that summer's coming I have to be even more careful but everyone will find out at my birthday or graduation party anyway.

I can't stay happy for long right now anyway. I can be all happy and excited but it's...

39 days. I made it 39 days before I ruined my streak. My goal was two months. But I guess I did better than I have in a while.

The low hit me hard and hit me fast. It started yesterday. I woke up feeling sad just because I exist. The thought of doing work and going through a day and doing what I have to do just makes me want to cry.

Then today it's worse. Second guessing everything and so much anxiety and random stress. Over everything. Sore and just don't know what...

My friends tell me all of these cool stories about the things they do. And even stories that I shouldn't approve of but I wish I could do and get away with anyway. Going to parties, hanging out with friends, hell, even drinking and shoplifting and getting away with both. Buying this and that, getting tattoos/piercings, dying their hair. Getting new cars. Doing all of these good things for the community. Getting some award.

Having some talent. They all sing, dance, do something. Because...

Well, at this very moment I'm calm I guess but I know things are going to set me off. And they're going to set me off hard.

I don't know if it's because I have my period or what the hell this is but.

I didn't cut myself today but I did for two days straight. I mean it's not a horrible cycle but. It's not saying I didn't want to cut today, but things got in the way when I was triggered.

I almost started crying in like every class, had kids tell me to calm...

On the inside I'm a mess, although I pretend to be so put-together & so sane.
When in reality, I'm just a lost lonely soul.
Waiting for the end to all of the chaos that controls my mind.
I'm nothing now, hollow & filled with pain I cannot erase & memories I'm too scared to face.
My mind wanders as I try to understand everything I cannot change.
The world is so foggy & damp with destruction.
And through my eyes no clarity could be found, for...

Okay so i have showed two people my selfharm marks on my thighs today, my ex-boyfriend and my mother's staff member.I figured it would be easier to tell people. It's gotten a bit out of control but I don't feel like I'm addicted, all my friends keep telling me I need to see a doctor because they think my depression is bad but I don't want my parents finding out. Any advice - I can't tell my parents though xxx

Meeting with my therapist was today.

Went shitty. As expected. Don't know why I expected it to go any less.

Mom doesn't listen to anything someone says. I tell her my side of things and she just disagrees or brushes it off or puts it all on college. My therapist tells her she is worried that I'll end up dead someday (I agree) and my mom flips shit, screams at her, and leaves.

Yells at me throughout the entire car ride about how they're just thoughts and everyone...