I have come to the realization that if I don't go inpatient I probably will try to kill myself and that is the scariest thing ever. I found myself counting my pills last night. My mind telling me to just take them. And then this morning it was the same thing, to just take them. Those thoughts won't stop.

Part of me just wants to try to kill myself rather than go inpatient because I don't want to hear my parents but part of me feels screwed if I don't die because I'll have to hear...

I don't know how many of you have noticed how down I have gotten lately. I had relapsed with my SH 4 or 5 days in a row, something I usually don't do. Yesterday broke that cycle and today has been good so far.

I've been dreading answering the phone, getting annoyed when I do, and I've noticed myself distancing from people I talk to, whether it is on MSN or here. So, for all of you who may have noticed this, I'm so, so sorry. Sometimes I even dread it when people hug me or touch me,...