In January, after texting some Tinder guy for about 3 weeks, I decided to meet him. It was pretty sketchy, and I should be grateful for the fact that he was who he said he was and, you know, didn't kill me. He said I could meet him at his apartment or we could meet up at the Starbucks across the street from his place. In addition to that, he lived 30-40 minutes away so I would be driving the farthest I've ever driven myself from home, going to meet up with a stranger. Not the wisest thing...

I realized that maybe the reason not a lot of people read my blog is because they don't know a lot about me. Well, I don't open up easily, but I figured I'd give it a try.
My name is Lexi, I'm 15 years old, I was born in Florida, USA. My parents didn't get along very well because my dad was a drunk, smoking stoner. They fought all the time, and it became routine for me to hear my father beat my mother at night. Then, when I was three years old, my father decided to give me bath and while the...

Okay, so I'm green again. Feels good to finally be back, I hate that I had to be gone for so long. I feel like I've really ignored my friends and I apologize, but for quite some time there I just couldn't get on TH hardly at all, and when I did I had no time. It really sucked.

But my life is changing. A lot. I mean a LOT. Jon is progressively working harder and harder to find a job. I can't even remember all the places he's put in applications. He's working so incredibly hard because...

Tear me down and break my soul
take my life, Im spinning out of control.

My knees are weak and scraped to shreds.
My wrists black and blue from being tied to the beds.

My body wretched, sliced by a knife.
Someone please just come and take my life.

My mouth torn open, throat sore and dry.
I want to scream, please just tell me why?

My blood bleeds black, You stole my heart.
Took it and just ripped it all apart....

Im Sitting here again.
The bathroom floor is beggining to feel more comforting each time.

My wrists laying at my sides.
The blood that stains the floor beside me.
I did it again.

I know what you all think.
How could you?
are you stupid?

I can't help myself.
If you only knew.
The sharp rigged edges that pierce my skin is my only escape.
My getaway.

Feeling the cold turn into burning heat.
...

Your eyes are burning through my flesh.
I can't speak.
Im stuttering, choking out the words.
Im afraid you wont like what I say.
That I'll speak of something you didn't want to hear.

You'll get mad.

I constantly try my hardest to please you.
I always seem to fail.
I just don't understand what you want from me.

I swallow hard trying to force myself to walk into the same room as you.
I am so scared that you will hate...

I lay in bed curled tightly.
I pull the covers over my face.
I can hear your footsteps on the stairs, I cant help but stare at the clock.
The flashing lights telling me the time.
3 a.m.
Its time.

I try to calm myself, I try not to breathe so loud.
I can feel you in my room, Im frozen.

The red blanket that once covered me, slowly moving backwards slightly grazing my neck, intensifying my fear.

Your touch is gentle at first...

You tell me that Im worthless, That I am just trash.
Thats exactly what I feel like.
You don't care about me, All you care about is the pain you put me in.

You tell me that you like to hear my screams, you like to see the tears pouring down my face as in choking trying to catch my breath.

My bodys torn to shreds.
Its been twisted, broke, and bruised.
It feels as if a thousand razors are trying to escape from my insides.

I want you...

You all act like you see right through me.
Think that you know everything about me.
You never will...

You wont ever see that pain and hurt that I lock away inside.
The scars on my body either from the belts that slapped my skin or the cuts from knives and razors shoved in so deep.

You think im strong.
Your wrong.
Im weaker than you'd imagine.
I cry myself to sleep at night.
I scream and beg for mercy to escape the aching pain....

I can't sleep again.
Waiting for the sounds telling me it's time.
Watching the door as it slowly creeps open.
I hide under the covers and try not to breathe, praying that you'll let me sleep for just one night.
I should know better.
My skin crawling as you move your hands underneath my clothes.
Why do you do this to me.
I start to cry and you grab my hair and yank it telling me to shut my mouth and act like a man.
Im sorry im weak.
You undress...