Medication

So at the minute counselling for me is on Zoom and I have been moved back to fortnightly sessions instead of monthly sessions. Last week we discussed the fact that my mood has been plummeting a lot over the past year or two and that as I turn 18 on Thursday I should look into medication as she thinks that is the best option. When I heard this I felt so ashamed as I thought I was handling it and to be told I haven't been and that medication might be my only option kinda sucked. Now I am not against medication I just don't know how it would fit into my life. For starters, my parents don't know about any of my struggles so that would have to be another lie and also hiding the medication. Secondly, I'm a Christian and although I have what is probably the most forgiving network around me it was only a couple of nights before that one of the leaders told me that I could get through this without medication and that she did not want me to go through what she has gone through as she got put on medication when she was younger. And lastly, I don't know how much more I can take of things not working out. What if this doesn't work what will I do then.

I can't wait for this all to be over cause I am fed up of being stuck in a house where I can't do anything right and I am constantly being yelled at. I am so done of putting on a smile every day just so I don't have to deal with their snarky comments. If I cant move to Chester and start uni in Septemeber I honestly don't know what I will do.