Somewhere on this site I said that what keeps me moving forward are little epiphanies I keep having every once in a while. Through these tiny realizations, I learn about myself and others. I'm starting to break through the wall of alienation I've built around myself to keep others out (which also prevented ME from reaching out to others). And that makes me happy. I won't say that I'm ecstatic about it, but plain old feeling-at-home, breakfast-in-bed happy. And I have a very good reason to feel happy....

Sometimes, we experience things that change us, forever. I've experienced a few of these things myself, like most of us have.

I want to talk about a significant event in my life today. Sure, reading the Harry Potter books changed my life; now I am able to say that I've read them. Learning to drive a car changed my life; now I can get to work easier. But sometimes things that are less obvious have greater impact on us.

I grew up alone, believing only in my own demons. Believing...

So TH has been the first to wish me a happy birthday. It's 12:14 am, and I am now (regrettably, or happily - depends on how you look at it)eighteen years old............Alright, time for bed..............

Feeling good these days, much much better than usual. Hope to keep it up. I think the fog's finally going away. That, however, made me to to one conclusion that's being very annoying right now and won't leave my head. So I'll write it out.

Okay. No melodramatics. Trying to be honest. One. Two. Three. Go.

I can't let go of the past. Never have I thought I'd be experiencing a problem I've always looked down upon. I've always disrespected the issue of not being able to let...

Had no time to update the blog. Everything went well with my mom. She was very understanding of what I'm going through...... I felt a little bit guilty about not trusting her enough to tell her about what's troubling me... But I shouldn't. I shouldn't put myself down with this...... I actually feel alright today. I'm getting started on my homework. Spring break begins next week, and I have to finish my studies on a good note.

Also, I want rollerblades for my birthday. Mom says...

As described in my previous blog entry, I've made up my mind to tell my mom of the emotional pain I'm still going through. Well.... mom's coming home today. She's going to be home late, so the conversation will have to wait until tomorrow. I realize that I can't postpone it from one day to the next every day, but this time I'm doing it because my mom will be exhausted and won't be in any state to deal with what I've been waiting to tell her.... I'm also hoping she'd respond.... better if she's rested....

Why does the first blog entry have to be so unpleasant?

So here I am. A part of me excited. And a part of me mortified. Because in one week, my mom's coming back from her trip and I decided to tell her about a secret I've been hiding for years. The secret is that I've been having fears that hold me back from doing things I love, being with people that I enjoy, and following my dreams. Doesn't seem like a big deal? Yeah, I used to think so too. Until I discovered that it is. ...