what about romance and my dating life?

i am stuck between myself and someone else as i am always thinking to myself about if and when would my perfect man come along i mean in our days we still people bashing gay people just because there gay but i have nothing but pain my life and i have had two boyfriends in my life time and a hell of a lot of one night stands but for 2 years i have been single and that one question keeps playing over and over in my head will i ever find my perfect man?
i don't even know if there is a such thing as a perfect man someone who is romantic and has so much to offer but the catch with me is i worry about guys with small dicks i mean someone people don't mind but i do because i would like to have sex with someone and there dick would not come out in between minutes... if you know what i mean.
sometimes i wonder am i really going to find love because i get told all the time that i am beautiful but i am not sure if i should believe that or not.
in sydney the gay life is great if you want to have sex almost all the time with who ever but since i turned 16 years old which was like 4 years ago i told myself that i would not have sex with just anyone anymore and that i would only have sex with someone i was dating and than it would be called love making and not just sex because the person you are making love with cares for you as you do for them..
i want a bf who loves me but i dont want someone who can just turn me on i want someone nice sweet and very romantic and i guess what i am also saying is i wonder if i will ever find love in sydney and weather i would die alone but i am 20 years old and not a child but i have not been in real love and i want endless love like can't live without love god i am crying lol i just want to be happy and not be alone like i have been for over 7 years and i want that too end...
love is all i can think about and it is something i can't live without but there are so many problems because i have never felt like this about anything in my life and i am so sure love will help me in the short and long term but also one other thing that is a major problem that is in my life at the moment is how can i date when i am between sexs?
i mean i am male because i have a dick but i think and feel like a female but i do not want to go though the operation to become female in body image.. i need to find a man that would understand that i feel like that and like i would never dress as a male or female i dress in whatever i see fit... lol
but yeah i just want to be happy anyway i have to go now maybe sleep or watch another movie about love but i always cry because i want to be in love so badly... how will i ever find my one true love, my perfect man?