my perfect man

hi,

i am writing this because i feel like a fool because i have just been in the chat room and i think that don't make a very good impression to other people about how i am and who i am.
when it comes to men i am a mess but when it comes to girls i find its more like me becoming bitchy for no reason and when i talk to teens i have no idea what to say because i am scared that i will be rejected and used again because of my kindness.
now i want to talk about this crush i have on someone i don't know a lot about all i know is there is a great connection between him and myself and i think it is nice to say that i would like to go out on a few dates with him and maybe even fall head over heels in love with him as i know very well i have never hit on anyway before and this is becoming to be a mess because i have not been out with a guy since the last bf i had and that was two years ago and this guy seems nice and the romantic type and i love that also i think he has a big dick too but i am not too sure on that fact as i have not seen it and the bad thing about this is he is my counsellors receptionist and even my counsellor today told me she can see a connection between him and me.
i would like to know if this happens to be a good thing or a bad thing but i know this its not against anything in the compony policy that he is not allowed to date me and i can tell you that my counsellor i believe thinks its fine that i date him as long as it does not compose a problem in my counseling but i have yet to ask that and i also have yet to ask if she would mind be dating him i somehow don't think she will and another thing i would really like for her to talk to him privately of course about me and if he likes me and maybe she might just do that but i am again not sure because she did say everything that is said in that room stays in that room...
i would like to go out with him and i think tonight i might have a dream about him and that would be great.
i also told the counsellor today that if i have a connection with someone i want true love someone who does not want sex all the time and does not expect it...
expect the unexpected i say, but i am trying to think if i can ask him out by sliding him a note and maybe i would talk to him first but its hard to catch him alone...
what do i do?
i guess it might be good to print this out and show my counsellor when i see her next anyway, talk soon...