It's all my fault! I hate this so much! I sometimes wish life did not exist. I don't even know what to do anymore.... WONDERFUL!

I knew it! It would not last long. I'm tired of things that go on at home. I have the best little sibling but I'm the one chasing the child. I'm the one that's asked to do things. People expect so much from me and when I don't meet their standards I'm frowned upon.
You may tell me "move out!" MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!! And if you say get a job, I have one. If you say sit down and talk to your parents, done that! If you say go to school, I'm starting college this fall. If you...

It's kinda frustrating that people sometimes try to joke about your metal health when in all reality it only hurts you more. A family member tried telling me they were going to be my therapist and that I needed to tell them what was going on in a joking manner. I told this person some but they'd turn around and say well that's in your past. Just forget about it! Easier Said Than Done!

Well, my night is coming to an end and all I'm doing is sitting here thinking. Why must things go the way they are? Why did I allow things to get out of control like this? Why am I allowing myself to do this? Why am I the way I am? What did I do to cause all of this? How on earth am I going to get myself out of this hole I have dug for myself?

Tomorrows a new day, lets see how it goes...

I'm so worried right now. We are not having a really healthy dinner tonight and I'm so scared I'm going to get fat. I already know what I'm going to do after dinner, it's just the fact that I'm going to have to eat it tonight!!!! I will work-out afterwards, I just hate doing this to myself! When I eat I feel guilty, it's like saying "It's okay, feed yourself, you're just going to get fat". I wish I never had to eat or my parents would not make me eat... I wish food was not around.... I'm...

I know I should not be thinking like this... it's just happening. Everything is out of control and I feel nothing is going to be able to help me.

These past two days have been pretty difficult. I have been trying to make sure everyone else was alright before myself. And I did not realize how bad I was letting things get until it was almost too late.
Sometimes I just wonder why this is all of this happening to me? Nobody really sees what is going on with me because I'm acting as if nothing is wrong, I'm hiding so much. But you know, a person can only hide so much for only so long. It sometimes gets very difficult hiding everything...