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This is probably just gonna be me ranting for the end of time 
I was scared all the time. My hands didn't shake but inside I was shaking. -James L. Farmer Jr.
Posted July 23rd 2010 at 09:27 AM by shaytaan
I HATE MY FATHER.
Is it bad that this is the first and only time I've uttered thosse words?
I never hated him.
Just feared him
"Respected" him.
I found out something today that is probably gonna mess me up inside...
Its sad...
Only recently, just very recently, have I stopped seeing her eyes...
Arianna has helped me so much...
Because of her I've gotten off cuting, antideppresants, and am just a much less bitter person and am much more the person I pretend to be... Happy, full of life, and a little loud.
It's sad because even though I have said I hated my mother before...
She is the only one that looks out for me.
She is the one that cares.
She only wants the best for me.
Yeah, when she drinks, she hits harder than my dad.
Ironically, I think it's my dad hitting me that makes her drink.
She has always wanted the best for me.....
Am I worth it?
Am I to far gone for it to even matter?
Everyone in my house is happy, EXCEPT FOR ME
Mom is happy, dotes on dad and sister, is cheery and preppy.
Dad is happy, has his box of "flour" in the garage, is sarcastic and witty.
Sister is happy, has her music and anime, is dry and know-it-all-ish...
I'm sad, have flashbacks and abuse, and is deppressed and broken in spirit and body...
Happy parents and single child right?
I'm just the guy in the background to drag everyone down...
Isn't it funny NO ONE asks whats wrong at school?
Just one day I'd like someone to ask, "Hey, why are you faking a smile?"
To know that not everything is covered in a mask...
Is it bad that this is the first and only time I've uttered thosse words?
I never hated him.
Just feared him
"Respected" him.
I found out something today that is probably gonna mess me up inside...
Its sad...
Only recently, just very recently, have I stopped seeing her eyes...
Arianna has helped me so much...
Because of her I've gotten off cuting, antideppresants, and am just a much less bitter person and am much more the person I pretend to be... Happy, full of life, and a little loud.
It's sad because even though I have said I hated my mother before...
She is the only one that looks out for me.
She is the one that cares.
She only wants the best for me.
Yeah, when she drinks, she hits harder than my dad.
Ironically, I think it's my dad hitting me that makes her drink.
She has always wanted the best for me.....
Am I worth it?
Am I to far gone for it to even matter?
Everyone in my house is happy, EXCEPT FOR ME
Mom is happy, dotes on dad and sister, is cheery and preppy.
Dad is happy, has his box of "flour" in the garage, is sarcastic and witty.
Sister is happy, has her music and anime, is dry and know-it-all-ish...
I'm sad, have flashbacks and abuse, and is deppressed and broken in spirit and body...
Happy parents and single child right?
I'm just the guy in the background to drag everyone down...
Isn't it funny NO ONE asks whats wrong at school?
Just one day I'd like someone to ask, "Hey, why are you faking a smile?"
To know that not everything is covered in a mask...
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Awwwh i'm so sorry to hear this
And i'm sorry that you aren't happy anymore, but i'm always here if you need someone to talk to okay?Posted July 26th 2010 at 09:38 PM by Jannel
