It's dark outside.

I'm cold...

Bruised...

I can hardly move my right arm...

Can hardly breathe...

I feel like just curling up and crying...

Is it bad I think that I was...






r....


By my father?

I don't remember it...

But...

HE does...

HE whispered in my ear...

HE usually tells me bad things...

I HATE MY FATHER.

Is it bad that this is the first and only time I've uttered thosse words?

I never hated him.

Just feared him

"Respected" him.

I found out something today that is probably gonna mess me up inside...

Its sad...

Only recently, just very recently, have I stopped seeing her eyes...

Arianna has helped me so much...

Because of her I've gotten off cuting,...

On Monday....

My dad has a "welcome back present"....

How much more can he destroy me?

How much more can he take everything away???

My life love happiness everything...

I can't go publically swimming cuz the bruises....

Why are the flashbacks so vivid???
I'm safe (for a little bit)
No father no cousins
Out of place out of mind right???!?!?!?
Thats what Shelbz said but its not true!!
The flashbacks worsened!!
WHY?!

I HATE CUTTING
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it

It makes me feel so sick and broken :"(

"I don't want to cry
anymore,
I don't want to feel like
lifes to seedie anymore,
I don't want to be told
lies anymore,
I don't want to see the skies in
gray anymore,
I don't want the pain to
be anymore
.
I want to be happy and
warm
but never so Cold,
I want to dance in the
rain,
not feel pain

I want to be held...
Not against my will...

I want to see happiness......

Scared.
So so scared.

She's scaring me...
She has so much going on in her life...
She's breaking down mentally and physically....
I just wish I could hold her til she feels safe again....
It's not my place to tell whats wrong but....
I just wish she wouldn't hurt anymore

That HE wouldn't hurt her anymore....

I love her soooo much....

But I wish she would get help...

She needs help
...

Well.... First off HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

....
Yeah. I cut today.
I've been off it for two months.
But I cut today.

And it felt good.

No, it felt sick

So what if I was on the edge the whole day??

So what if my girlfriend said she didn't care at the moment to go ahead....

I should've been stronger.

I'm weak.

I gave in to something as stupid as harming myself...

I...

OKAY! Since this is my first blog and all, i'd figure i should start with a personality analysis

Strengths
-Spontaneity and imagination.
-Quickly seeing and grasping future possibilities.
-Embracing change as a way to improve yourself.
-An ability to complete a variety of tasks.
-Solving people problems.
-A positive and passionate communication style that motivates others.
-Flexibility with...