So I had stitches again, just over 3 weeks ago. A lot of other stuff happened too, although I don't remember precisely what, I do remember that I rang Debbie that Friday and we talked about how I'd said that I don't see self-harm as being beneficial for me long-term. Well, she said, what if we do a trial of not self-harming for a while? So that instead of being faced with stopping permanently all at once, I could attack it in more achievable amounts of time. We settled on a month. And so that there's...

Let the sun rise before we close our eyes,
Let's feel the poison in our viens & cry out for help,
Sharing warm alcohol on the floor, with bottles & money strung all over
Let the rain come down & wash away the sins.

It's all fun & games, the "high life" they call it,
Wandering around like idiots in the streets, drunk & wobbling
Forget education, friends, family
It's all about what you want, and when you want it...

Another poem. Sorry if its really long. This one is called Who I Am.

I am spiraling
Down, not up
I can't take myself
I need to cut

I look at the razor in my hand
A memory flashes through my mind
Selfish, rude, unloyal friend
Is my mom right? Am I these thing?

Another memory attack.
Stupid school bullies
I'm a nerd. Too sensitive
I don't belong

I'm all alone
Physically...

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Hi everyone. Again. Probably no one actually reads this, but I'm posting it anyways.

It four AM right now, and I can't sleep. Too many flash backs. Nightmares. Grr I'm a mess. Anyways, I wrote another poem. This one is called
Leave Me Alone

Is it ever going to end
I can't take these memories
Get out of my head
I can't stand the intrusion

To many memories
Too painful to think
Too hurtful to try and do anything...

So. I realized how much of an idiot I am and how anxiety is going to consume me this year and how I just can't handle it anymore and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I just have to live with it but it's getting worse and I don't know what do do.

Had to submit my summer math packet in school today so I went into the library to do it and then the library was closed so I started getting nervous because this was one of the few study halls I had to submit it before the 10th. This one,...

Another one of my poems.

This one is called Urges

Leave me alone
Let me be
I can't take this anymore
Please let my mind fly free

You make shake
Shudder
Want to scream
And I don't know where to turn

I am hurting
In pain
Looking at a task blade
Wondering how I stay strong

I try to ignore it
Try not to give in
Try not to let it win
By how long...

Hi all. So I found how to post to my blog on TH! I just wanted to say hi, although I am fairly sure that no one will see this.

I just wanted to share a poem I wrote today.

Its called Staying Strong:

Nothing is as it used to be
Nothing is as it seems
I used to be happy
Content
But I don't even know who I am anymore

Counting the days I stay clean...
One...
Two...
Three......

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