I wonder what it takes to qualify as "unstable" or a danger to yourself. I don't even think I want to get better.

I hate when you make a decision then realize the decision is bad and then you feel like shit. I should have finished the AP exam because now I feel guilty and worthless and like a failure for walking out and I've cried so much over this that I'm so exhausted now. I was crying so hard I was gagging. But even if I stayed I would have felt bad. I wasn't understanding...

Time to make another whiny blog post

1) After about 10 weeks, I relapsed. I've had enough of everything.

2) I have a huge exam tomorrow, and I have spent the entire weekend playing video games. I've got literally no self discipline.

3) As much as I don't want to admit it, my dad had this work colleague at our house for the night because he's over from another country. And I really like him. He's a lot younger than my dad, late 20s ish. It's annoying...

I'm just
Fucking
Done with that shit

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I got a new blade. Again. My friend sent me this one. Cut today for no particular reason except to try it out. This one works the best out of all of them. But it's still not enough. It still won't give me the satisfaction I want since I can't slice myself whenever I want. Now that summer's coming I have to be even more careful but everyone will find out at my birthday or graduation party anyway.

I can't stay happy for long right now anyway. I can be all happy and excited but it's...

...

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It's kinda depressing that the only reason I didn't relapse on my 17th birthday is that i couldn't find anything to cut with.
My friends bought me a cake, which was a nice gesture until in the centre of attention while I'm eating. I can hardly say I don't want any when it was bought for me

Anyway im really tired so gnight

I know it sounds stupid, but half the time when I eat I just want to throw up. Sometimes after eating anything I want for nothing more than for my stomach to be empty. But I cant bring myself to actually do it. I'm worried if I can do it once, it will be so much easier the second time.

I have this "friend". He attention-seeks more than anyone I know and it annoys EVERYONE. E.g. I make a joke about having too much caffiene. The weekend after I discovered proplus, he comes in saying he ate and entire pack of caffiene pills and collapsed. I know this isn't true because a) his mum and mine tell each other literally everything; if anything happens to my parents I will go to his in their will and b) today I took twice the recommended dosage and he told me how bad that is,...