So I watched the live stream of the funeral. I'm so glad the family chose to share it that way, there's no way I could travel to WA for it. It was - it was people trying to make the best of a shitty situation. I cried through nearly the whole thing (something I probably wouldn't have been able to do if I was there in person), and I just kept thinking about how he's gone, that wasn't him in the coffin, it was just a body in a box.

...

Yeah, I guess, so you only die once as well.

And when you die, there's so many people left behind, and they're so angry, and so sad, even though they knew you were dying. It doesn't make it any easier to let go, and we all just feel like we should live forever.

But you're gone. You're gone somewhere I'm not and you're never coming back. You don't breathe any longer and you don't smile, you're dead, you're only memories now.

Blayne's funeral is streaming...

It's Waitangi Day tomorrow, so I guess I should have a think about what this year is going to be about for me.

I don't know if you guys are aware, but for a long time now I've wanted to work in the medical field or in some sort of mental health. I've decided I'm going to study nursing, but I won't be starting that until next year at the earliest.

So this year. Well, I want to find a job - because I'll definitely need part-time work to fund full-time study. I want to...

Even though I'm STILL sick from whatever it was I got over a week ago now, I was well enough that I was able to go with mom to the mall. It wasn't fun still having this, though; I'm still clogged up and blowing my nose every 2 minutes. But, I'm just happy I could go. I don't get to go to the mall often, so it was a nice treat. Mom needed to go into Penny's to find dad some new shirts, and they were having a big sale on just about everything in there, so I rushed over to take a look at their Dinnerware...

Blayne died. On Friday.

Knew it was coming, his doctors had been telling him days since before Christmas. I'm glad he got home to W.A. to be with his family, and I'm glad he saw in the New Year. I'm sad that he's gone. Cancer claims another victim, Jess loses a good friend.

In other loss-of-friends news, back in December (or maybe early January) Jordan finally got back to me, and it's the last I've heard from him. He got pissed off that I moved without telling him (I...

I had a lot of bad dreams last night. I don't really remember any of them except one though. I had a dream where I was self harming. I had self harmed a lot in it. I've never had a self harm dream before.

My self esteem has been kind of bad again lately. I can't help but thinking about all I ate yesterday. I can't help but just call myself fat fat fat. Fat and lazy. I'm going to gain so much weight.

This whole no class thing has been so frustrating to me, it really...

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There are two scheduled discussions on the topic of keeping New Year's resolutions in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC) and the second will be held at...

God, I'm sick. We're pretty sure it's an airborne virus; it all started with dad getting sick, then mom got it from him, then I got it from her just from being near her for a little while. Now I just feel awful.

I've been blowing my nose and coughing all day, I'm sneezing pretty often, my ears really hurt, I've got a bad sore throat, and I ache all over. At least I'm not puking, I've been keeping my food down just fine. I really hope I feel better by tomorrow. Even Jon is just getting...

Oh god. I got drunk for the first time last night. Drunk is not a good feeling, it really isn't. Buzzed is sure, but I drank on an empty stomach and drank too fast to get to that stage. I just went from sober to drunk, pretty much.

Hangover this morning was terrible. I woke up at like 5 like so nauseous and gagged but nothing came out and spent like an hour and a half on the common room couch because it was closer to the bathroom and the room is also cooler in temperature. Went back...

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There are two scheduled discussions on the topic of facing the challenges of growing up in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC) and the second will be held...