Give me a mattress a tv a fan.... it's all I want anymore...

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye


I still hurt... so fucking much.
I want to dissolve....

Im stuck.
im fed up of moaning bout my life but heres one more.

My family can't stop arguing and they always blame me for the arguement starting.

I have been tryin to stop self harming but i can't im doing it every night and i don't really know why.

School isn't going well i can't focuse in lessons i even fell asleep in one.

Study day is coming up and my dads coming im scared dad will go mental when he hears whats been happening and he...

Careless cold gerk genius assle freaking hell deamon cold gestures and blank look ever staring at infinity ever reflecting nothingness ever spreading fear in the black hearts as a beam of sunlight in vampiers world...as a stream of water in devils'hell.......cold and senseless nothing can move an emotion revive retrive it from its eternal grave....him: '.my shreded soul reflecting in me my killed passion burried inside of me and the endless pain pouring in the vessles every second torturing this...

here is how my typical break down would start:
I do not know what on ***** earth is the wrong i did to .....i hate life i hate this world i hate the fact that i am alive i hate the fact that i have to live and every little tiny detail in my life, i wish i did not understamd i wish i were stupid i wish i were nothing just a wall i envey walls for not having to deal with this ......why shall i live? I do not have a single fucking reason to live notrhing i love nothing i want no dreams no hope...

I don't see the point in my life.

My sister keeps on saying she is going to kill herself three of my friends self harm and i think it is because of me.my mum is ill fro stress and no one likes me anymore.

On monday night a girl i knew hung herself and it haunts me!!!!!!

Yeah.... was kind of a shock when I realised it. At first I thought I was just missing England for some odd reason (considering I pretty much hated it). Then I realised it wasn't the place... it was the feeling. The fact that I was always happy while I was there is why I miss it so much.

I'm doing everything I can to stop this. I have to concentrate on my own path.

Im new to this site. Let me just say, I love the atmosphere that this place has. I mean, just searching around and reading randomly, I've seen so much emotion and care going on. I have a site of my own, kinda the same, but not even in a league with whats happening on TH. Im happy I found this place. Already I've met Concrete Girl, who has been very welcoming. But then I read some of the blogs. wow. Just a couple that really touched me were Josh, Adam, and escape_thereal_world. There is so...

I told some of my mates at school today how this web has helped me. and they just laughed and said i was sad and a idiot.

This sort of thing really gets me down and it made me depressed and annoyed that my own friends would put me down.

i dont want to go to school tommoz. im scared they will gang up on me.

last night i was cutting again on the tummy. i don't know what made me do it but it was really bad now i am in pain and blood got all over bed.

i feel lost and don't see the point in life after 2 years of hell. i can't take this much longer i am slowly falling into a big empty space and i'm pushing away people who care

i dont think i can go on much longer but i'll try to fight through

I feel so down at the moment i seem to be left out of evrything. I haven't been invited to eny of my mates outings or parties and at home i get left out of all talks.
This is getting me really down and making me self harm because i feel like there is no point of me being on this planet.

I have told all friends that i have stopped self harming which is a lie i am not ready to stop and am addicted.School know but i told them to back off.
I dont know what is going o...