just checking my approximate words/page. to two decimal places. yay.

one hundred and twenty five pages, over fifty thousand words. a new record!

i should explain a couple of days ago, i finished the first draft of "Roses", a story i've been working on for months upon months. no exact date, 'fraid, as the properties uses the date the draft was converted to my current word format, but still... quite a while!

ahh... i'm so pleased. now all i have...

so i picked out a hairstyle. Y'know them "Scene hairstyles" and i printed a good picture out as an example. i got there and they goes "yup i can do that" she went off cutting ect and it turned out no different to what mah hair is already like!!!!

comparing my hair now to the picture , its WAY off!!! i'm so gutted!

mum goes on ranting then saying "you should have said something"

TOO LATE NOW INIT!!!

gosh...........

In physics on monday my physics teacher kept me behind and told me that she could tell that i was unhappy and that was why i misbehaved because i was venting all my pain by being a bit of a rebel and the thing is is that i think she is right and that worries me i thourght i was covering up my emotions well but obviosly not.

I am under a black and want to come out form it but can't its killing me. I DON'T EVEN NOW WHY WHICH JUST GETS ME HATING MYSELF.
Liz

i just found out my brother of course the one person who i could tell anything to is in jail.Someone please give me something anything im going to cut again tonight i know it. It's sick when you have planned times to hurt yourself. I just don't know how im supposed to tell my nephew that his daddy's gone and won't be back for a long time. I just hope he's safe in that place. Hopefully he gets better and realizes the pills aren't worth it. Just someone give me a quote or advice or something please....

blah.im kind of excited because he's finally coming back from tampa for hockey. But i don't know i'm not okay, i know i need help. I just don't want to hurt my parents even more. Therapy doesn't work for me and i don't want them to have to pay for me to go to some resort thing. I just know it's wrong what i'm doing and i don't know why i still do it. My dad doesn't care about anything thats wrong with me he only cares about my grades. I tried to tell my mom i should go to the doctor and see if...

What a day!
Havent eaten all day.
Hurting from the bath i had lastnight.
Something in my mind made me fill a bath full of hot water and sit in it......
Maybe its my mate? she is triggering me big time.
"ohhh i slit my wrists last night. ohhh iwant to do weed again, i need it. ohhh i want to overdose again. ohh my lifes so shit. ohhh i know you like him but i fink hees really hott. Your boyfriends a jerk"
RAWRRR.
Y'know what? i give up.
...

okay i haven't cried in forever
but i just relapsed
pretty damn bad
and i just don't know what to do
someone please help me
i hate this

this always happens
when im laying in bed
the urges come back
its hard to explain
i mean its like my wrists are screaming at me to do it to let it all out.
im contemplating whether or not im gonna do it
i know its wrong but it feels like the only way.

okay so if you've read my really long behind blog i posted first you know that i cut and my boyfriend would totally freak if he knew. I mean i really like him and everything but sometimes i just want a boy that can understand what im going through. My boyfriend would be totally close minded if he found out. i live in a small town called Goose Creek in charleston South Carolina and its mainly rednecks which i will confirm i am one but im actually not the same im vegetarian and i listen to rock and...

Thanks to all people that left advice on all my posts they have helped.... sort of

i still feel suicidal but tryin to keep advice in mind.

Im dreading school on monday but i am going to tell tutor bout da bullies after strengh u lot have given me.

Im sorry but havent got courage to tell u the thing ive not told enyone just yet.

I am in a big black hole that is to deep to climdb out of thats how i feel.

Thanks again Liz