Why does the first blog entry have to be so unpleasant?

So here I am. A part of me excited. And a part of me mortified. Because in one week, my mom's coming back from her trip and I decided to tell her about a secret I've been hiding for years. The secret is that I've been having fears that hold me back from doing things I love, being with people that I enjoy, and following my dreams. Doesn't seem like a big deal? Yeah, I used to think so too. Until I discovered that it is. ...

so i'm at my mates house taking a break frm home for the night. cant be doing with putting on a brave face infront of mum!
gonna sleep well tonight because i wont have the memories from my room from something....
hate feeling like i do right now.
deppression can go die for all i care. ffs =[

On monday i have a meeting with the head of year bout my behavior in maths. JOYS OF LIFE.

I bet we will talk bout my home life and SH as well though and its annoying i want to be left alone to ruin my life i deserve to ive been a terribvle person all year and i don't see why people care so much when ive given them nothing but grieve.

I know ur all goin to say that its a good thing people care but i disagree especally as i only like talking to people on this website because...

I'm in a better mood than I have been other times. Thank you Jer and Sarah for cheering me up

Also, I think having money and not worrying about finances is helping. I'm getting cable! Now I can watch wrestling, woo woo.

Lastly, can I direct your attention to this thread?

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/showthread.php?p=81994

great just what i needed. My parents noticed i haven't eaten since monday, they watched and made sure i ate a salad and half of a granola bar before they left for pool. I don't know what triggered it i was sitting in my window smoking a cigarette and listening to Between The Trees wishing my dad wasn't grounding me from church [fucked up i know right] and i felt like crap from eating and i just forced it all out. i felt really lightheaded from it and i just layed on my bathroom floor crying.i've...

Alright listen, I need you to focus
I need you to go dig deep in your mind, this is important
We are going to perform an experiment of a sort
I'm going to have to ask you to bare with me for a moment
Now I need you to open your mind, your eyes - close em'
You are now about to be placed under my hypnosis
For the next 4 and a half minutes
We are going to explore into your mind
To find out why you're so fuckin jealous
Now why do they make you who...

i get triggered by the littlest of things!
so i saw a HUGE icky spider on my wall next to me just now and i squished it. now i cant sleeep....... all just becuz i killled a spider.............
how lame am i?
GET A GRIP GURL

just checking my approximate words/page. to two decimal places. yay.

one hundred and twenty five pages, over fifty thousand words. a new record!

i should explain a couple of days ago, i finished the first draft of "Roses", a story i've been working on for months upon months. no exact date, 'fraid, as the properties uses the date the draft was converted to my current word format, but still... quite a while!

ahh... i'm so pleased. now all i have...

so i picked out a hairstyle. Y'know them "Scene hairstyles" and i printed a good picture out as an example. i got there and they goes "yup i can do that" she went off cutting ect and it turned out no different to what mah hair is already like!!!!

comparing my hair now to the picture , its WAY off!!! i'm so gutted!

mum goes on ranting then saying "you should have said something"

TOO LATE NOW INIT!!!

gosh...........

In physics on monday my physics teacher kept me behind and told me that she could tell that i was unhappy and that was why i misbehaved because i was venting all my pain by being a bit of a rebel and the thing is is that i think she is right and that worries me i thourght i was covering up my emotions well but obviosly not.

I am under a black and want to come out form it but can't its killing me. I DON'T EVEN NOW WHY WHICH JUST GETS ME HATING MYSELF.
Liz