ok well i don't know really where to start but i am going to write things about me and i hope that you guys don't mind.

i have moved around a lot in my short life time but i was put into state care when i was 10 years old it was because my mother could not control me that's her words not mine, but anyway i got hurt in state care so much people tried to kill me 4 times without success and it was all because i am gay nothing else can you believe that, anyway i got out of care at 18...

As wieght loss comes to the forfront of my mind and SH becomes out of control I am detaching myself away from the world.

Ive stopped talking to my mum. I try and not communicate too much with friends cause im scared that soon ill cut a vain. Soon i will refuse to eat and i dont want people i love to see me like that.

I stay up really late trying to make sense of the things that pocess me and i cant

I cant stop and im loosing the want to stop.
...

After 4 years of strongly dis-liking high school...I can officially say I never have to go there again. So after the cerimony itself most of us went to grad night. I was a little hesitant at first since most of our school's events are pretty lame. But let me tell you, I laughed harder and longer than I have in a loooong time. Watching tough jocks being hypnotized into crying and painting their toenails...yeah that's something I'll never get to see again.

*High fives...

hottest temperature today was 30 degrees celcius approx! aaaaghh!! it's...SUMMER *dramatic music*

yes, that's right, celebrate. summertime is here. holidays, heat, and happiness.

and bugs. and storms. and sweat.

i don't like summer much. yeah, the sun makes a change, the ice-cream rocks, and wouldn't anyone love several weeks holiday? but i'm sitting in a sauna here and i can't sleep in the light and this is only MAY. how am i going to survive july? unless...

Yesterday me and the rest of my senior class went to an amusement park for a day of fun. So I just thought I would post some pics for you guys instead of typing it all out. Afterall, a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Here's me and my friend on a roller coaster!
ahhh.jpg

swings.jpg

yeahhh.jpg

At about 10pm, me and another friend decided to go on this one coaster...just one more time. The park closed for...

OK so ive been away for a while cause the computer broke down but now im back.

I really missed you guys and it ment i got really bored at 2:00am in the morning lol.

Since being away ive been on a all time high and a all time low. Right now im on a low and struggling with depression once more.

On tuesday im going to the doctors after the theripist group decided they couldnt help me with out seeing me. So the doctor wants to see me so that we can work through...

It feels like I'm just living. Living. I'm just here. not involve in anything. Scared to show my face, scared to see the truth. Scared of being accepted. Accepted. What does it even mean? Does it mean to be liked? Does it mean to know who you are? If you gave the one you love everything. Are you really left with nothing. If you take a risk and fall, is it really easier than it seems to get back up?

just 4 the record. i didn't kill daniel, but i wish he would die.

I don't understand him. I mean i know he's not ur average guy. Moved down to where i am from NYC. he's in a gang and he's pretty street. but he makes me so mad!!!

We met in october, don't even remember how he found me. but we hooked up same week. (i know, i already regret it) Eitherway we stopped talking for awhile. then he decides to start talking to me again in March. And whenever i was having a bad day...

Well today is officially my last day of school. I will be entering my Senior year of highschool. I feel so old not gonna lie.

What's strange is ever since i've started highschool i couldn't wait to be graduated and start college. I took a couple courses at a college on summer and i like the way that it's set up much better than highschool. But now that i'm entering my last year of highschool i'm not sure i'm ready to be graduating.

Maybe i'm not ready to leave the somewhat...

Guys help, my mum found my blades, she asked me about it and i lied to her face i feel like a dog. i dont know what to do. if i tell her she would tell my brother and he used to cut and he would give me the speech and iam not up for it. and know i started if i eat i go and puke. i realy dont wana stop cutting i love it. just tel me what to do please help