i am stuck between myself and someone else as i am always thinking to myself about if and when would my perfect man come along i mean in our days we still people bashing gay people just because there gay but i have nothing but pain my life and i have had two boyfriends in my life time and a hell of a lot of one night stands but for 2 years i have been single and that one question keeps playing over and over in my head will i ever find my perfect man?
i don't even know if there is a such thing...

i have been going to my counsellor every week and i have been talking to her about the problem i have and face in future and yesterday was great i talked to my counsellor about most things around 20 subjects were brought up but i can tell you its not fun to be someone who is hurting all the time like 24/7 and never has fun but puts on a fake smile to make everyone else happy.
god i hate pleasing everyone and that's why i don't have a bf or any friends for that matter.
i have done a...

WHY I ENVY YOU:

1. Jessy. For the girlfriend. Dammit.
2. Amy Lee. For the voice. Ahhhh
3. Tricia. Green Day tickets. GAH.
4. Dena. Hasn't got writer's block.
5. Tish. Has spare time.
6. Joe. I miss Ricky =(
7. Everyone seeing Muse in November.
8. You. 'Cause you're reading this instead of doing homework.

das endet.

ok well i don't know really where to start but i am going to write things about me and i hope that you guys don't mind.

i have moved around a lot in my short life time but i was put into state care when i was 10 years old it was because my mother could not control me that's her words not mine, but anyway i got hurt in state care so much people tried to kill me 4 times without success and it was all because i am gay nothing else can you believe that, anyway i got out of care at 18...

As wieght loss comes to the forfront of my mind and SH becomes out of control I am detaching myself away from the world.

Ive stopped talking to my mum. I try and not communicate too much with friends cause im scared that soon ill cut a vain. Soon i will refuse to eat and i dont want people i love to see me like that.

I stay up really late trying to make sense of the things that pocess me and i cant

I cant stop and im loosing the want to stop.
...

After 4 years of strongly dis-liking high school...I can officially say I never have to go there again. So after the cerimony itself most of us went to grad night. I was a little hesitant at first since most of our school's events are pretty lame. But let me tell you, I laughed harder and longer than I have in a loooong time. Watching tough jocks being hypnotized into crying and painting their toenails...yeah that's something I'll never get to see again.

*High fives...

hottest temperature today was 30 degrees celcius approx! aaaaghh!! it's...SUMMER *dramatic music*

yes, that's right, celebrate. summertime is here. holidays, heat, and happiness.

and bugs. and storms. and sweat.

i don't like summer much. yeah, the sun makes a change, the ice-cream rocks, and wouldn't anyone love several weeks holiday? but i'm sitting in a sauna here and i can't sleep in the light and this is only MAY. how am i going to survive july? unless...

Yesterday me and the rest of my senior class went to an amusement park for a day of fun. So I just thought I would post some pics for you guys instead of typing it all out. Afterall, a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Here's me and my friend on a roller coaster!
ahhh.jpg

swings.jpg

yeahhh.jpg

At about 10pm, me and another friend decided to go on this one coaster...just one more time. The park closed for...

OK so ive been away for a while cause the computer broke down but now im back.

I really missed you guys and it ment i got really bored at 2:00am in the morning lol.

Since being away ive been on a all time high and a all time low. Right now im on a low and struggling with depression once more.

On tuesday im going to the doctors after the theripist group decided they couldnt help me with out seeing me. So the doctor wants to see me so that we can work through...

It feels like I'm just living. Living. I'm just here. not involve in anything. Scared to show my face, scared to see the truth. Scared of being accepted. Accepted. What does it even mean? Does it mean to be liked? Does it mean to know who you are? If you gave the one you love everything. Are you really left with nothing. If you take a risk and fall, is it really easier than it seems to get back up?