Ok so Ive been trying to get to sleep since 10:30pm it is now 6:09am and I havent slept a wink.

The reason for this is because I have been trying to and suceeded making it to 25 days of SH freedom.

During those hours I have read tried to sleep come on this site work through probs and distract myslef tried to sleep. Listioned to some carming music tried to sleep come back on here try to sleep. Well you get the picture.

The problem with this is that at 8:00am...

Ok so this summer hols ive got eating back on track and excercised in moderation. In doing so gained half stone.
I havent cut for 24 days.
Ive been going out the house with my family
Ive been texting friends.

But inside nothing has improved I hate how fat and ugly I look.
The urges to cut are so big and occur everynight its getting harder and harder to beat them.
Im putting a smile on my face which is fake.

This isn't right my doctor friends...

...

The way I see it, the hardest path is always the right one, the easy path leads you nowhere but down, and the one in the middle doesn't lead you anywhere.

After taking the easy path a million times before I'm now stuck in the middle.

With the choice of easy or hard I'll always go with easy. Though when something is in the way of my easy path I'll work as hard as I can to walk around it.Then in the end I'm left with the question, Why didn't I just take the hard path?...

I dont know what it is, but the past couple of days life seems to have been easier. Its not necessarily that its been easy, just easier to handle. I actuallt told myself NO the other day, and it worked. I just hope I can carry on like this

I've decided to do this blog in green, in honor of my newly colored name So far, I dig the green team.

I go to the library fairly often, either in search of something new to read or to go hunting through the CD racks to keep my itunes funky fresh. Whatever the reason, I'm there quite a bit.
But there's some things I don't like about the library.

1. The silence. Don't get me wrong, I like being in a place where I can hear my own thoughts and be able to do...

I went camping last night with friends.When I got home I started arguing with my sister, then my mum and dad took her side as usual. I dont know why but I came to my room and cried and cried. My mum's trying to be the loving mother, but I know she doesnt really care that much. Last time she saw me really upset I didnt want to talk about it so she got really mad at me and started shouting saying how ungrateful I am, so she slammed the door behind her and was in a huge mood with me.
Just thought...

Somewhere on this site I said that what keeps me moving forward are little epiphanies I keep having every once in a while. Through these tiny realizations, I learn about myself and others. I'm starting to break through the wall of alienation I've built around myself to keep others out (which also prevented ME from reaching out to others). And that makes me happy. I won't say that I'm ecstatic about it, but plain old feeling-at-home, breakfast-in-bed happy. And I have a very good reason to feel happy....

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I'm sorry to the people I told that I'd stop cutting myself,because I havn't. I actually went 4 days without it..but I couldn't help myself tonight.
Sorry.