Apparently people take the time to read my blogs, which I think is kind of a waste of your time. I mean I started blogging basically for the intention of ranting to myself so I could post my thoughts without anyone having to read them. It gave me the ability to complain without actually complaining. But then I don't blog for a week and I have three people on my ass making me pinky promise to make a post. *Sigh* I love you guys

I don't really have a plan for this blog...no...

Not a good day for me, got into a fight with one of my best friend cause she thinks I'm lying to her again.
I got majorly pissed cause I am actually NOT lying this time, I don't get why she can't get pass that and just believe me for once ! Ugh.
It's been 28 days since I last took anything, which is kind of a biggie for me, so of this I am very proud. I'm clean, totally and utterly CLEAN !
The worse part is she's making me feel like a total scumbag for what I have made people...

I feel so depressed I am finding it hard to even fake happiness.

on tuesday I just randomly found myslef crying infront of my tutor ( joys she pretends she knows everything that is going on) Then I caouldn't concentrate in eny lessons and dragged myslef from room to room willing the day to end. I then ended up falling asleep most of the evening as I could not be bothered to do anything.
I managed not to SH though.

Today I haev felt much the same but just about stopped...

I don't need a strong man or a man that can fight my battles. I need a man that listens. A mand who can show emotion and have no shame in it. He just needs to be able to understand me. I need a man who a man who needs me. This man exists and he is 450 miles away from me. He listens to me and understands where I'm coming from. He shows his emotions and isn't ashamed. He doesn't fight my battles, rather he assists me. We have been promised to eachother and bound by fate.

He's standing in front of all the people as nervous as can be. The thoughts start entering his mind; will this marriage work? Will they truly love eachother unconditionally? Is this right? Then the music starts and the doors open. As she enters the room, looking beautiful in white, the thoughts leave his mind. Hes stunned by how beautiful she really is. The music is all he hears and she is all he sees as she makes her way to the front. They are joined together as one now and forever. They make their...

She sits there behind the door on the floor, waiting, just waiting. The seconds feel like hours. At that moment the timer goes off and she jumps. She looks down at the counter to see what her fate will be. It’s positive…She flashes back to that night when he pulled out, she had this feeling like she knew something didn’t go right. She cannot believe what she has done. Her future has gone from college to taking care of her son or daughter. Can two fifteen year olds really raise a child together?...

They told her that she would never amount to anything. The guys just got close to her to take advantage of her. Look at where she is now. The path of self-destruction has eaten her alive. She had the scars on her arm to prove it. The blood shot eyes and dark circles surrounding them. She sits in her room at night and cries for hours wondering if anyone can hear her. She waits for the tub to fill to the brim. She steps into the ice cold water and lies down. Taking one last breath she goes under....

Our first kiss was bursting with passion. It’s as if we have known each other for years and we’ll be together for eternity. Our bodies move as one. Your touch gives me life. I’ve wondered what it means to be loved and cared for. I think you’re telling me in your own way. Every time you look at me I see it. I never want to let go because I’m afraid that if I do I’ll lose you. I’ll love you forever and always. This is our destiny, to be together.

Shards of glass lay before me. It makes me think about what you did to me and how you broke my heart. Hot burning tears run down my face. I fall to my knees wondering what I did wrong. I want to cut or do some serious damage to myself. Then I realize that you aren’t worth it. If you don’t want me then I won’t waste my time crying. I get up and praise the lord for making me realize what I could have done to myself.

You’re in mid-sentence and im getting lost. Lost in thought, lost in your eyes, and lost in your arms…Thinking about how much I love you and how much I don’t want to leave you. Thinking about how blue your eyes are when you’re happy. Thinking about the warmth of your arms and the comfort and strength I find there. Thinking about how right this feels and that we should last forever. Then you look at me and I come back to reality. Goodbye thoughts…I’ll come back to you later.