i feel ill. The voices in my head won't leave me alone. They tell me what a disgrace i am and to kill myself in what ever way possible. I don't know if i can make it through the night. I'm all alone again. The girl haunts me... she mocks me. i can't take this any more. i'm not getting better from my medication... i wish i was dead...

My birthday is in exactly a month! I'm gonna be 15!
Back to normal news...haha
Today during lunch, Matthew was staring at me. This was pointed out to me by my friends Donna and Courtney. Donna said "The new kid in our English and Bio classes is staring at you, wasn't he your best friend in fifth grade or something?" I confirmed this and looked to see if he was staring. As soon as I looked his direction, he quickly looked away and started a conversation with his friends....

I have a friend,and we have been friends for almost two years,but sometimes it's like I can't talk to her about some of my problems or questions. Like one time at this fair where I live she had a problem with me flirting,but it's fine for her to flirt with random guys? I get so upset sometimes, I just want to end our friendship. if anyone can help me, please do I am only 14 years old but, I will be 15 on suday.

Oy !

All the holiday craziness has gone by soooo quickly, did any of us even realised that its over ? I certainly didn't !
Oh well, back to structured life I guess.
I surely miss all the liberty and coolness of the holidays though...no more dancing until 4 a.m., no more sleeping in until noon - ahhh, will I ever even survive going back to school after experiencing such a laid-back lifestyle Oh sure I will ; we all have got to.
Anyway, I spent an awesome...

so, there have been a lot of things that i've never, ever talked to anyone about. there are so many people i know that think they know every thing about me, how wrong they are is what they don't know. truth is, i'm afaird. afraid to talk, afraid to tell anyone, just what all i've had in this life. most people i know would just turn their back and call me a liar, maybe start some rumors, but, i guess that's why i'm afraid, wouldn't you be? i grew up as the shy quiet fat girl, that read too much and...

I dont want mum to put my cat down! i dont want her to die! she's my best friend... :cry: i hate mum.. what more can she take away from me?!

My mum has been away for 2 days now. I still have no idea where she is! Theres no food in the house and frezzing cold. I feel like shes abandoned me. I'm useless! I can't do anything right! I just make her cry! I dont mean to... I'm worried. I'm running out of medication and i dont have a car in order to get to the pharmacy... I hate this..

I'm sick of being alone. My mum is constantly going to her boyfriends house leaving me here all by myself and my sister goes to her friend's house. The day before yesterday i had to sleep on a carpetless floor and had to improvise use my woolie jumnper and long skirt and a bottom sheet and my petticoat as a pillow and my dressing gown as a blanket while in the other room my sister had a mattress, 2 pillows and a large blanket. Mum didnt even bother to see if i was ok, all she cares about is her...

Stupid mother! She can't accept the fact that i want to have a social life for once. I want to go to a club for the first time in my life but, annoyingly, im not allowed since she fears i'll get into drugs, get drunk or get pregnant. Which is highly unlikely god dang it! i'm anti-drugs, i hate the taste of alcohol and i don't want to be pregnant anyway. My sister is 15 and shes allowed to go to clubs and get drunk! It's always the sensible ones who get left behind...