I knew I had good reasons not to trust anyone.
That voice in my head telling me that the ones who make me tell them everything are only doing so in order to use it against me later.
"No." I told that voice "If they were really just acting then they'd never tell me anything and they do!" Wow that just shows how wrong I was. Just...URGH there is so much I could just rant about now but no. I don't want to upset anyone. So I'll just keep pretending, as usual, that it's...

It's all in the title. I have been having them since around 8 oclock when everything went wrong

Lost my kid about a week ago. Stupid miscarriages. That was probably my last chance to get back with that guy. Ugh. I'm stupid. I've been cutting myself again, and I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway. Am I stupid or something? But at least me and my best friend are talking again, and we are looking passed shit. I'm just glad that she and I are talking again. Anyway, sitting here tipsy as hell, tired as fuck, and idk what i'm doing. xD wow, I'm so freakin retarded sometimes, i swear!!! blah. fuck...

Well I was watching T.V. and a commercial came on. Then a couple passed. My mom then walked into the livingroom and asked why i was singing. Apparently i was singing along to commercials. This is a very sad moment in my life. lol.

You all act like you see right through me.
Think that you know everything about me.
You never will...

You wont ever see that pain and hurt that I lock away inside.
The scars on my body either from the belts that slapped my skin or the cuts from knives and razors shoved in so deep.

You think im strong.
Your wrong.
Im weaker than you'd imagine.
I cry myself to sleep at night.
I scream and beg for mercy to escape the aching pain....

I remember your face so clearly.
You were my best friend, My everything.
You made me a promise, you didnt keep it.
You told me that you would always be there for me.
That you would always protect me and keep me safe.
You lied.
God took you away from me.
If there's even such a thing as a god.
If so why doesnt he answer my prayers.
why doesnt he make my pain go away.
You never would have treated me like this.
All you ever did was love...

I can't sleep again.
Waiting for the sounds telling me it's time.
Watching the door as it slowly creeps open.
I hide under the covers and try not to breathe, praying that you'll let me sleep for just one night.
I should know better.
My skin crawling as you move your hands underneath my clothes.
Why do you do this to me.
I start to cry and you grab my hair and yank it telling me to shut my mouth and act like a man.
Im sorry im weak.
You undress...

I am so frustrated with everyone in my house. Morely my 13 yo sister. "I worked for an hour this morning. I babysat a few kids at the park,I have worked so hard." Blah blah blah.. God her life is soo hard at 13. Man at 13 i was able to cook for my 5 siblings, do laundry, do yard work.. I always helped my mom clean up. And I Have for 10 freaking years. I don't complain alot because man I know she needs the help. But I am complaining now because I am almost 19 years old. I have siblings...

Asda's version of doritos + Salsa Dip + Can of Strongbow + World Cup Final :D

For once not bored XD



Edit: You don't know how shit football is in SD until you watch in HD :bleh:

Struggling to find a reason

Any reason

Even one reason

To hold on

Note to self: Its not worth it