I feel soooooooooo huge and obese I literally feel heavy an like crazy overweight although I'm underweight medically .

My ED(eating disorder) tells me beat everyone at their own game and prove that you are not weak an can actually accomplish something that you can be more

And to feel better I have be toned and fit and have no flab ED says, also it tells me that I could
More and prove how strong I amm with things by loosing weight,I know so I feel ED is right...

Lol theres not much to say on this topic either. I went to work and cashiered all day. It was fucking busy in walmart and its going to be even worse tom. The roads were really icy going into work and then it was snowing all day and even started sleeting at one point. I was supposed to work until 10, but I found someone to take the last hour and a half of my shift so I could drive the 20 mile long drive home earlier rather then later.

Then when I got home my girfriend said that it was...

I'm not quite sure as to what either one of these wants me to do, so I'll interpret what I think they mean.

A moment is a special moment... and I think that one of the most special moments to me, was when my boyfriend called me at 5 in the morning, and told me his mom said yes and that I could stay at their house for a week in January. I actually called him later on that day, and asked if it was really real. I had fallen asleep after he'd called me so it honestly seemed like a dream...

Once again this is a blog topic that could go in many different directions as there are many different types of love. There is romantic love which is what I'm sure most people would assume first upon glancing at the title.

There is also love for a close friend, or family members.

For me though, love is defined by caring so much about someone that you would do almost anything for them. Love is staying up on the phone all night comforting your best friend after her grandpa...

Holidays are my EDs dominant and most powerful trigger and usually on holidays I can't relax or enjoy myself at all and am very antsy and panicky and uptight mostly because holidays mean food and eating in front of others and there being alot of tempting food .

So I am nervous and scared about upcoming Xmas and not sure how I will be dealing with having to eat more in front of my entire family and ESP since I'm on exercise restriction and that's my number 2 big stressor recently ...

One of the things for work I need is a doc satement my supervisor an others are worried about my health and don't want me to overdo anything and for safety reasons.

I have to have it in soon or I could be fired which is not a good thing so stressed with makin that work out number 1 stressor recently and it also makes me nervous so that's why I use ED so strongly to cope.


As ED is my coping method for so long andafter eating I usually exercise to calm down...

Ok I must admit I'm kinda a fail eater so this blog will be quite short. All I had today was a microwave pizza. I usually only eat once a day, sometimes I might make something later at night if I get hungry. ummm I can't really think of anything else to say. sooo baaaai

I can't stand to keep fighting my ED it has so much power over me and I feel like I'm drowning
In pain while ED laughs and gleeful im hurting An no control powerless sighs


Ed hates me and wants me dead tells me that is the way to to be thin is is the greatest way to be
And all. I'm not able to get rid of my Ed on my own I feel so powerless and helpless while Ed laughs laughs and says it won't ever let me go and it will destroy me as a mission

My best friend...Is Kate. She was able to be my friend when I was a Freshmen in high school, and we're still friends now. We are about 2 years and 4 months apart, but we still are together. She's been able to take me into her home with her loving family and take care of me when I ran from my own home, or would like a little break from reality. She never judges me, and I can easily get along with her. She has her own problems, and I respect that, and I try and talk to her and hang out with her as...

Lol o dear. What a topic. hahaha

While they are my parents, sometimes I really wish I could just get away for them for a very extended period of time. My mother especially used to be very overprotective and that really pissed me off at times. It got so bad that when I turned 18 I basically cut her out of my life for awhile.

My dad was never as bad. He always treated me like an adult and that was part of the reason I got along better with him I think.

My dad...