It felt so right before.. why not this time ? i wanted it to feel like before, the spark. this time there was none //: maybe its just not meant to be, as much as i want it to. i know you want it too but there is just nothing there between us anymore. i like the way you hold me, but when we kissed i felt nothing ): maybe our chance is over ?

people ask me "why do you cut.?" i have many reasons you will never understand, more then i could ever begin to tell you. I have been through a lot i know wht is like to 'self harm' in other words cut, i have and still do. Im trying so hard to stop for my Best friend. although he has cancer and has got the results back and the papers show he has 6months to live ): . i told him many times he HAS to fight it, that i need him, he cant die. but no matter wht the cancer keeps throwing him...

Been a good weekend. Somewhat worried about tonight. Last time I was here I spent the last two days being very suicidal.
Distractions would be good about now. Where's my notebook...

Source: Newsletter | Issue 10 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #10 - January 15th 2011 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short bits of advice, interesting...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of dealing with pressure in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PST). All you have to do to take part is log into the Chat...

I swear if I see another one of those adverts I will actually shoot the TV and hunt down whoever is responsible for them.

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*repeatidly punches doorframe*

that is all

OKay so here is my blog for the day, i see i really haven't posted in a while., For any one who has read my blog before there is a new change for me. I promised myself to be more positive this year so i am going to try. Its the first key to improving the self esteem.

Anyway So the guy i got together with in october, turned out to be a dud, he left and hasn't gotten back to me and its been over a month now. I am not the girl to sit around and wait, its not me. I realized tho that really...

Today I danced in the rain. Today I felt free. I'm not a beautiful girl. I'm not the most liked girl. I'm too sassy and odd for that. But today I took a walk and the rain fell as I wandered aimlessly around the RV park listening to David Arkenstone and I felt....every bad feeling wash away. All of my scars disappeared and I felt...Clean. Whole. Like I truly could start over and every thing would be okay.


I'm an ex-self harmer, three years free of that demon. But I realize...I...

Ugh I'm so tired. Ashley told me last night she still loves me, that didn't help matters... I got no sleep because of this. I have only had a small bowl of shreeded wheat with 1/3 milk and 2/3 water... I'm skipping lunch, and probably having very limitted dinner, hopefully without purging again unlike last night... I'm so dizzy and tired and it's driving me insane.. I still have some control, so I'm using it the best I can. But I can feel ana/mia, whatever taking over really fast... I can't tell...