So tired. I dreamt that I was at the top of the stairs in my grandad's house. He was trying to hurt me. I thought he was going to kill me. I pushed him away from me and he tumbled down the stairs really quickly, hit his head off something at the bottom and skidded across the carpet. He was dead. I tried to call an ambulance or something but every time I dialled 999

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I'm really struggling right now . I feel reallly low and i don't even know why. I felt really happy all of last week for no reason and i want to go back to that feeling
I am so angry with myself right now, i cut for the first time in almost 2 weeks. I'm so weak. I can't do anything right
I don't want to eat anymore. I hate the feeling and i always feel disgusting, fat and unlovable afterwards. I can't sleep anymore i just lie there and think of how i can end it all and...

This made me laugh so much today. I was standing with my friend and her boyfriend and we were talking about parents.
Hazel: Louise's mum doesn't really like her having a girlfriend.
Gary. Why not?
Me: My parents are religious...
Gary: Is your mum on the pill?
Me: Um...I think so.
Gary: Right, when you get in from college, you go up to her and you say "Mum, I might like to munch carpets but at least I'm not on birth control!"

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Sitting in college. Trying to stay awake. Today's been so long already. Cut this morning. Argued with mum. Walked to Asda and got a new pencil sharpener, pliers and a first aid kit. Had all my blades in my pocket already.
Walked to the graveyard and cried. Just lay on the ground there for a while.
Walked to a park round the corner from my old school. Sat there and took the blades out of the sharpener. Sat on the swing for a while. Just swinging and staring at the ground.

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Working today. Really can't be bothered. Still so tired. Didn't sleep well.
Blades are coming to work with me. Won't go without them. Even if I don't use them, I refuse to not have them with me. Wouldn't be the first time I've hidden in a toilet to cut. Maybe this time the bleeding will take longer to stop. Maybe it won't stop at all.
One can only hope.

This is my first blog....well for this profile.

I was going to come back to TH on my old profile, LillyWren.....but then I realized I forgot my password and I also switched emails. SO I was pretty much screwed.

It's good to be back and now that I have internet at my home I will be on more often, so I guess I'll actually get to know people on here.

My name is Ashley, and I'm happy to be back.

Nightmare. Was on this little island. Was tiny. A dead seagull fell down in front of me. I thought a bigger bird just got it. But then another one fell. And another. I could see small bullet holes and blood on them. I was scared. Decided to swim back to mainland. Wasn't that far. I kept seeing birds fall down dead in front of me. A swan had a small hole in it's head. It just flopped back and it just lay there. I had to swim through a group of dead ducklings. Except they were twice the

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Because of you.

So tired.
Doesn't matter how much I sleep, it makes no difference. I'm exhausted again hours after I wake up.
Seriously considering just going to sleep for a couple of hours just now. Parents have a thing about eating around midnight on a Saturday, my brother and I tend to steal their food. That and mum's all weird because she hasn't seen me eat today.
I'm...

I went hairdressers today and I got a side fringe... it's the first time I've had a fringe and it's harder for me because I have curly hair. For once I actually feel good about myself... if actually looks ok and everyone seems to like it. I mean it will be different when I do my own hair but it's good I have the potential to look decent.. It was well scary when she cut it but I'm glad she did!