Today was a very sad and hard day. It was also raining all day. It was sad because I am still grieving over the death of my cousin and uncle. This is also making me very depressed. I feel like I have a total dosconnect with the world. Also, today in math when we were working in partners [ I was matched with a cute and hot boy] a girl started singing ' Emily and Roni sitting in a tree k i s s i n g first comes love then comes marriage then the baby' She was so lucky we were in school because if...

Woke up surrounded by blood. Cut to deep last night. Felt good though all the pain, forgetting things for a while. I need to stop this but i can't. I am scared to let it go.... sh has been my coping stratagy for so long now. I would be lost without it. Yet its getting worse and worse. I am just so messed up right now. Don't know what to do. Don't know ho i am anymore. Just want this all to stop. Just want to sleep forever and never wake up. Never face this mess anymore. I am not strong enough to...

i need to learn when to shut up. i let my mouth run away with me again. i knew i should have stopped but i carried on i was telling myself to stop but i just kept going. I have now lost the only person who lives near me who i had any kind of support from. Well done emma...well fucking done...You're a stupid idiot. So now you are even more alone. Why do i have to screw up everything. As soon as anything is going ok. i just destroy it. I think i am scared that it won't last and feel that i don't deserve...

Wow! I can't believe I never cut today... I was in ENglish and this girl took the blade from her pencil sharpener... then this guy took it and pretended to cut... I couldn't focus for ageeeees.. Just replaying in my head the blade across the arm... imagining the blood oozing from the cut... It's so tempting to just get my blade and slice open... But I won't... because I know I can't...

Well after my little mis-hap and the couple of days to recover I am back on track to quitting It's not that hard today because I had a generally good day, but as soon as my mind wanders to cutting I'm struggeling and going mental But I did it for 4 days, I can do it for 5 this time

They know :|.....everybody knows. I can tell. My "so called" friend grassed on me today. It was the most awkward thing ever. I just want this all to stop now.
I went out and brought some sleeping pill well i say some i mean a hell of a lot. I just like the feeling of sleeping and never waking up again never having to suffer through this. I am pushing everyone away. I just want to be on my own now and sleep forever. It would probably be best for everyone anyway. Why would anyone...

So I took two months away from Teenhelp and I just don't think I can come back. I thought I was strong enough to do it... but i can't.

So in my journal I would like to say just a few reason why I am leaving... and i wont be back this time.... going to enjoy life without worrying about things.

1. The whole Pro-life/Pro-Choice debate. Okay yes I know I am Pro-life and I am standing strong on this opinion. Why you might add. While let's see... We all do not like suicide...

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Sorry I haven't been posting anything I've been grounded. But anyways. So far this month has started out crappy for many reasons. First, my mom grounded me because I failed a few classes. Then when I went and tried to get the work I was missing or extra credit she wouldn't give it to me so when I came and told my mom she told me I was a liar. Awesome right? So that night I spent the whole night in my room writing about stupid stuff but writing none the less. Then the next day I saw this thing for...

I've been gone again, because a while back, my grandmother died. This has only added to the emotional stress in the house, as well as make my grandfathers heart cold.
Because of the arguements we've been getting in, I've been avoiding this site like the plague in shame of what I've been doing to myself. Its gotten worse. Way worse.
Today, my arms hold bruises from bitemarks, as well as scratches from the sharp edges of broken plastic hangers. Theres also a bleeding scratch on my neck....

i am really thinking about overdosing..i have the pills..my friends would be so mad..but maybe it would just kill me..everyone would probably just be happy that id be gone..i don't know what to do.. i am scared..i thought i was getting happier.but i guess i am so wrong about that..i think i should tell someone. my parents would be so mad. if any one can help,please comment..