I have to go to my grandad's today. Brother and I are dropping off a card for my cousin's birthday. It's not that I don't want to go. Well it is. It's just that after everything that happened I don't feel comfortable around them, especially without my dad. And I'm still having nightmares about them. Dad told me that when everything was sorted out, the nightmares would go away. And they haven't. It's my cousins birthday and she's 19 today (WTF I remember her turning 11!) so I know that going

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i want to give up on quitting cutting,and just on life.. i have gone 9 almost 10 days without cutting..but i may cut later i want to so bad.. today my dad noticed the cuts on my arm,i told him lies..i don't think he believes me ..i think he will find out soon,he wants me to tell him if something is bothering me but i just can't..

i was so depressed today,a teacher at my school noticed ..

i am thinking about commiting suicide..i even have a plan..i am sorta scared, i think...

Hey guys this my first writing that I like please give me your honest oppinion.

I am not me
By: Emily W.

I woke up today and I looked in the mirror and realized I am not me. When I looked in the mirror I saw a sad and wasted little boy. When I went to school and failed a test I realized I am not me. When I went to a party and got drunk, I realized I am not me. When I got in a car with a buddy who was drunk, I realized I am not me. I am not me, I don't fail tests,...

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I've just had this on my mind for a while so I thought I would vent to anyone who reads this.

Back when me and my friends, Amanda and Brooke, where in 8th grade, we made and pact or a promise. We all said that we were going to be abstinent until marriage, mainly because Brooke's cousin got pregnant and she was in high school.

Fast forward to now, we are 18 and seniors. Well, Brooke broke that promise a few days ago. She did "it" with her boyfriend of two weeks....

I've failed... last night in bed I cut... I couldn't stop myself... I was in the dark and I had to imagine the blood but it felt so good... now I feel shit! I've let myself and everyone else down... but I just can't do it... I can't feel good when I don't cut... but I feel the same when I do... but the release, it feels like an orgasm, good at first and then just bad... I'm no good at life... I hate it and I'm not in the mood for talking but I have to go and work ... i wish i was at school,...

Today was a very sad and anger day. It was sad because I am still grieving over the lostes of my cousin and uncle, which made me totally unfocused at school. It was an anger day because it was 85 degrees this afternoon and I had to sit in a room and be taught by a tutor. This pissed me off very much. I am working on some writings that I think I will post online. Please give me your honest opinion about them and weather you like it or not. Always remember I am always here for advice. Most...

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Each day I feel worse... I get closer and closer to cutting and in someways I feel worse than when I was cutting. Nothing feels as good and there's nothing that can get it off my mind. All I want is the blade, it's the only thing that makes sense to me. I have days ahead of me when I'm alone, nobody to stop me, I have to do it alone and I'm not that strong! My life is so screwed up and I don't even know why!

All I can think about is the blade... it's horrid... in the shower, the razor... it just sits and stares at me... I can feel it now even though I'm in the next room... it's pulling me their... Even the blade in my pocket is nagging me to touch it... I need something to make it go away... I need drugs... I need drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to run and escape the house... Day 7... I have to make it to 10... AT LEAST!!!!!!