I'm going to join the review game on the DG forum. Then I'm going to have a shower and redress my arm. Then I'm going to finish my history homework. Then I'm going to clean out my guinea pigs. Then I'm going to do my IT work and then I'm going to go for a walk with Claire.

I'm going to get out of the house. I'm going to go for a walk and feel some fresh air.

And then I'm going to do some writing. Cut this endless list down a bit.

Perhaps I'll write that...

No one reads the shit I post. I don't blame them. I wouldn't.

I'm sick of this. I really am.

Thing is, I don't even feel sad. Not really. Not like depressed or anything.

I just feel empty. I just feel like there's no point doing anything any more.

I still do stuff. When people look at me. When people see me.

I'll work, I'll play, I'll smile.

But I rarely write any more. I don't play guitar. I don't cuddle my...

I can't do this...I'm too young at the moment to decide, I wanted so much more from life, but i've gone and ruined it... everything is over. He said i'm just in a bad place at the moment, and when i'm thinking clearly, i will know he is right. But i don't know to be honest.
He wants things to turn out differently to me, he wants this to happen, he wants me to stay with him forever. I'm so confused with what i want...i'm fifteen, he can't expect me to know want i want to do about things......

My arm aches and I wish that the holidays would last longer. I'm scared for my exams.

I don't want to go out today but my boyfriend expects me to. And so does my sister.

I want to curl up and go to sleep but I can't. I've been sleeping really rough recently.

...

I keep trying and everything keeps going wrong. I'm sick of it all.

He keeps telling me to stop. He keeps telling me that everything will be fine. We'll take it one day at a time and I'll never cut again.

Fuck you. I know I will. I know I'll crack again. And maybe I don't care if I do. Maybe I'm just sick of everything and I don't care that I'm scarring myself, that I'm hurting myself.

My arm aches so bad. The cuts are the worst they've ever been. I want...

Feel like I need to talk.
Not just speak. Talk. Really talk. Without worrying about upsetting someone. Or triggering them. Or worrying them. I need someone who isn't involved who I can just spill everything to and let it all out.
Tried the 1-2-1 thing on childline. Was kind of hopeless. After 20 minutes they said I hadn't talked much and spent ages describing the confidentiality policy. Then about ten minutes after said that they're aware of how long we'd been talking and I must be

...

I just reread my last post... Melodramatic. That's the only way to describe it. I hardly even knew him... And now I have an awesome girlfriend that loves me, so it's all okay now. Okay, maybe not *all*. TOO MUCH STRESS! School, my sisters, friends. *sigh* Everyone seems to expect too much from me. I am getting straight A's, I basically raise my sisters because my mom's too busy with her boyfriend (fighting, making out... yeah...), I'm supposed to be getting a job, I'm in the National Honor Society,...

Last night i just lay there, my head was spinning; screaming at myself inside my head. 'Come on Charlotte, you don't need to do this, ODing and cutting is not the only opition...your being stupid...fight it...fight it...you can do it' I tried so hard, i really did, but then there is always the other side of me, telling me to do it, things are too bad at the moment, i can't handle it anymore, no one would care....stop being pathetic...
Like I was arguing with my emotions, i can't fight the...

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