And I ate an ice cream. I couldn't really say no to it, it would have been a bit odd, and my boyfriend was watching me so I couldn't get rid of it.

I'll just have to make sure I don't eat much at dinner.

I want to go to sleep. I keep saying this. I just wish I could. Sleep forever and ever and never wake up.

I keep having nightmares about my family. Friday night I dreamt I was at a family dinner when my dad's sister came up behind me and whispered that unless I told the family everything, she would. It'd be worse that way. I said something back to her that made perfect sense at the time but I don't even remember it now. I just know it was my way of standing up to her and saying "Hell no, you're not doing this to me again."
It still really scared me and I knew that what she wanted me

...

I've barely eaten today. I'm worried about dinner. My mum's doing potatos and fish but I don't want to eat any. I can get away with hala potato but I have to eat the fish. I'm scared. I don't know how I'm going to eat it.

I want to cut again. I've printed out the list of alternatives and I'm going to try some.

My boyfriend said he'd come round but he hasn't yet. He's probably forgotten.

I want to go to sleep.

I've found my old diary.

So many suicide plans.

I think I need help.

I saw myself in the shower this morning. I tried holding my stomach in. Still made a body I didn't like, but perhaps that shape would make me happier. I've eaten a couple of rice cakes this morning, but they had chocolate spread on them. I should stop doing that.

I can get away with a minimal lunch today because it's Sunday and we just eat soup. If I eat the soup, then I can skip on bread and stuff.

Dinner is harder. Perhaps I can hide some of it? I don't know. I hate...

I want it to go away. I want to stop caring. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I hate living like this. I feel like I'm living a double life.

I had another rough night last night. I woke at about half one. Found it hard to get back to sleep. Woke again in the morning with a headache.

I'm going to have a shower. Then finish my homework, if I can motivate myself enough.

And now you're gone again. And I feel alone. My sisters both have friends over and I can hear them from my room. It's only half nine but I just want to sleep. I'm so tired.

I've been having some weird dreams lately. I couldn't remember anything I dreamt for a while and now I can remember loads and it's rather odd.

I want to sleep. I want to sleep forever and not wake up, because waking up is the hard part.

I don't want school to start. I don't know how...

You know what, thanks mom, thanks for the help i asked for, the support i needed. I need you here to look after me, to show me which way to go.. You think i'm going to fail school because i didn't get an A* in an exam i did, fail at life? No i don't think so..you watch me become a doctor, because i am going to prove you wrong, you are so wrong about me. So what if i get a few A's and A* instead of all A*s, i will still do this, do better than you did at school because i've learnt from your mistakes...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topics of puberty and growing up in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you have to do to take part is log into the...

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April 3rd: PROTECT: As summer approaches for many of us, be smart and follow these tips to reduce your risks of skin cancer: http://bit.ly/goNKko
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