I just want to go and leave all this pain behind.. my boyfriend made it quite clear about what he thinks of my personality sometimes, apparantly i am too nice to people and it makes him feel uncomfortable and inscure. I don't know what he wants out of me anymore, he wants to leave this place, start again and be together...he knows i want to finish education and be a doctor, but apparantly i'm being selfish. It is okay for him to tell me how to live my life and he really lets me know what he thinks...

I haven't posted here in a while.

But I'm gonna post again, because Pete said I should keep posting here if it helped me.

I've been having really random mood swings. Like, I'll be lovely and happy and then one tiny trigger, something minor goes wrong or someone says something and I take it the wrong way and my mood drops.

And then I get violent. I attacked J the other day. Amazingly, he still loves me. We've been together a year now. A whole year....

I'm watching Finding Nemo.

"A boat? Hey I've seen a boat! It passed by here not too long ago! ... Hi! I'm Dory."



Also. My arm freaking hurts. Sucks.

Oh. And this makes me laugh.

Haey wassup? My name is Marrabella LillyAndy Love and this is my first blog post on here. I just wanted to talk about discrimination and how diffrent it is in certain senarios. So like what gets on my nerves is that if someone discriminates a race or the color of someones skin everybody will jump out like Woah dude, not cool. But if you discriminate on an emo or different clique ( nerds or emos) then most people will join in and bash them.

This week has just been getting worse and worse and worse Don't know how much more i can take to be honest.

I found out that practically noone cares and that when things get tough i have noone.

If it wasn't for my friend last night, i don't think i would be here right now. She has saved my life so many times now. I don't know what i would do without her <3 I just wish there was something i could do to help her feel better and see what everyone...

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There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of depression in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you have to do to take part is log into the Chat Room at the appropriate...

I'm starting to think that the only reason things pick up in life is so when things crash back down again, it hurts ten times more....

My mom can't make me leave here, that's not fair of her; she hasn't even looked at the site she just said i'm too young to help anyone... Things just keep getting worse, life hurts too much..i might as well just leave...

I don't know how I feel right now.
I mean, I felt better after talking to Pete.
But today I was completely hyper. Like, bouncing off the walls. I got a bit irritable, but I was generally happy.
And I feel... odd now. Like, happy, but not really happy. Not truly happy.
I feel like a yo-yo. I bounce up and down, it's crazy.
But who will take me seriously when I'm suicidal if they've seen me bouncing off the walls the previous day?
I wish that I felt good all...

I saw the counselor today. Finally. He's nice.
I cried in front of him though.
Told him some stuff. My hands were shaking really violently and when I opened my mouth nothing came out so I wrote it down.
It'll take a few days minimum to get a referral so I can see him regularly.
I don't know what more I'm gonna tell him. So far I've told him about self harm, but he seems to think that I'm just a lovely person with too much on her mind.
I'm not. I don't know what...

I hate the hospitals, i hate the pain, the shouting, the lying and answering questions...They don't listen to me anyway, i feel so trapped and useless...like i can't move with in my own life...
People always find a way to stop me and i feel patheic for letting that happen. It all hurts too much....

Cut, cut, cut, pills, pills, pills