I want to die... I want to die now... I've been so so stupid! I was in the library with my friends at lunch and I got my blade out and cut my friends leg... (with permission) and then she cut my hand and my leg and then I just needed to cut and I made 2 really deep cuts on my leg and they watched and it felt soooooooooooo good and now I have cuts which mum will be able to see and I have blood down my leg and I think they all know I'm a freak now... I've been physically shaking, I don't know why...

I'm laying on my bed feeling awful. I'm totally stuffed up. I keep coughing and sneezing and it's making me feel sick. All this is making my head hurt and I just want to cry. I hate being sick!
Someone send me hugs and make me feel better? Please?

I've been having these dreams lately. I've had the same dreams for several years. Well not the same dream. But the same girl is in all of them. They had stopped for awhile. But they started again last night. She's always running up ahead of me, and then turning around and flashing me a teasing come find me smile. Nicky said it's prolly someone that I passed on the street or something. But I know its not. I would remember seeing her.

She is unmistakable. It's not her looks so much,...

I had some great fun posting pictures on every single staffies wall! It's cause they are all amazing I hope you all feel special!

so about last month the school nurse called me down and told me to pull up my selves and she saw all my cuts and the only reason i keep it a secret was so that i didnt get my mom in trouble. i had told my mom many times i need to talk to someone about my problems and i didnt trust her enough to talk to her anymore
so anyway the nurse sent me to the guidance office and they called my mom and told her. well now that i started talking to them.. CPS (child protected services) just called about...

so about last month the school nurse called me down and told me to pull up my selves and she saw all my cuts and the only reason i keep it a secret was so that i didnt get my mom in trouble. i had told my mom many times i need to talk to someone about my problems and i didnt trust her enough to talk to her anymore
so anyway the nurse sent me to the guidance office and they called my mom and told her. well now that i started talking to them.. CPS (child protected services) just called about...

I am so unbelievably frightened right now. But i am going to admit the truth on Thursday in my meeting with my CPN and i am going to see if i can find my favourite teacher in between my exams tomorrow and i will tell her. Something made me realise the other day that i have to try and fight this. I know i am not alone. It feels like it but i know i'm not. I have to fight this for everyone who needs me or has helped me. I have to be strong.

Tomorrow i am going to fight but tonight i can't...

Everyone keeps telling me it will be okay, and that i'm not alone but i still can't seem to think like that. I want it to be okay, i know i am not alone but i can't help but feeling like this. >_<
I'm so stressed with all my exams at the moment, i want to do well in them but i'm really distracted by other things. I need to focus my mind but i don't know how....

I wrote the piece. I came up with the whole concept and wrote the entire piece. Then you drew it to the specifications, and didn't even get it right. And yet when you post both the written piece and the picture together, the comments are pretty much on the drawing, with a few after thought comments about the writing. 'Cool concept.' Um. It's a bit more than just a concept. It's a piece of creative writing that I spent time on. Screw you with your fancy computer art work and your video editing skills....

I guess this is more a message to all of those who have been there and helped me so much. I really appreciate it and i love you lot so much. I don't know where i would be without you all.

I don't know how much longer i can fight this though. I am so tired. I don't think i can fight myself much longer, i am trying but i can feel myself slipping. Everythings getting so much harder. I can't ignore the urges. To cut, OD or to jump. Anyway i suppose what i am trying to say is if i don't...