Binged today. And yesterday. Because I felt so down.
I don't even know what to do. I think I'm fine and then BAM out of the blue I'm sobbing and shouting and hurting.
I have a bruise on my arm where I whacked it off the wall, but I haven't cut. I ate instead. And then I exercise like crazy today and I've burnt off like, one quarter of what I ate.
I feel better, but the bad mood feels like it's lurking, waiting for me to give in.
I don't know what to do with myself.

Why does it always have to be me who is in the wrong!? Never him, because he doesn't make mistakes or give in, just changes his mind. But no, i mess up everything, everything that is going on at the moment is my fault, because he had no input at al;, well i must have a pretty clever body to have done this all by myself. I'm trying so hard to hold on and support him and just us in general, he doesn't seem to understand that he has to help me. The stress is unbearable and i'm falling apart.... but...

I'll keep this short, for once.

Today started out as a good day, but then I got a text from a friend who moved away asking if this guy had asked me out. Told her he did, and this is what she sent back, exact words, "...... don't do it....". She then proceeded to tell me that he is a player and he still sends her texts saying he loves her AND he is dating another girl who I have just met. I'm thinking, really? REALLY? Why is it that the only guys who ask me out are players?!...

So as some people on here know I graduated about two weeks ago, and already SOOOO much has changed since then. I mean I figured that I wouldn't be seeing my friends everyday, but what bugs me is that they would always say, "Just text me and we'll hang out" etc, etc.

Well I text them and they don't respond. I'm thinking thanks, I guess I don't even deserve an excuse for not seeing me, just don't respond and I'll make one up for you. I know I'm sounding bitchy, but they could...

How many times do you say that you are going to do something and never do it? I know I do it a lot. There is just so much to be done. Most of these things I have to skip out on are social gatherings, friends events, and other fun things because of work and school related things. I wish that one day i'll be able to look back and smile on everything i've done instead of say, "I worked my whole life and got really successful." Well, to tell the world the truth, I would rather find the person...

My room is cleaner, although I'm getting a bit obsessed about it. xD
But I will have it completely tidied. It hasn't been properly tidied for a couple of years.

I've been keeping my food intake low. I don't know what calorie intake is in the range for eating disorders and I can't ask on here, I'm scared I'll get told it's not allowed, because of not posting calorie numbers.

I think I've lost weight. I don't know. I think I have.

I hope I have....

It's not always because I hate myself, not always, it can be because I find myself ok, I know I shouldn't like myself, but sometimes I do, and I know it's wrong, I lie, I'm selfish, I'm week, I'm evil, I'm an attention seeker, nobody likes these things, these things make a bad person. me. I'm a fat ugly horrible person.

My head hurts and I feel sick, a sign that I'm not meant to be.

Y'know I was told today that nobody cares about my life - I thought she was my friend,...

Sometimes i'm pretty sure everyone just ignores me >_< Either that or i'm being told i am too young to be staff, which i get told regularly: i'm not even that young :/
Whenever i make a post asking for advice it is never really answered, i might get one post possibly two sometimes; i sometimes feel as though they are ignored :/
I feel as though since i've become staff i can't really ask for advice, i know that's not the case but you know.
This isn't aimed at anyone, just...

it sickens me how men can beat women and not give a shit, how grown fucking men can "touch" and r*pe and beat little kids and think its ok, they don't care if that kid will grow up and have mental problems, reoccurring nightmares,and be scarred for life. I hate how these people only go to JAIL for this, in my opinion, rapists, murders, child molesters, and anyone who has beaten anyone without a good reason, should get the death penalty, no not a lethal injection, something worse, way worse,...

well, iv become bulimic, im back to being depressed, almost everyday i think of suicide, im starting to become anorexic, im single and in love with a girl states away, my life is a mess.