If only you could see me now,
the thing ou turned me into,
the image i've been.
If only you could see me now,
the scars of our troubles,
the unrelated sin.
If only you could see me now,
my heart in pieces,
I CANT FIX MYSELF

YOUR F**KING CUTS ARE STILL FRESH AFTER MONTHS. GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!

So... Drinking has gotten worse. Had a bad hangover all weekend. I need to stop...But something keeps me in. Just an update I guess but it isn't like people actually read this....

i have a gymnastics evaluation on the 28th, its in 8 dayssss, it means im gonna be starting gymnastics again! yayayyaayyayay iv been wanting to do it again ever since i realized my 7 year old self was stupid for quitting!

The title of this blog can stir quite a bit of controversy, it seems. I have been seeking input with my homelife situation where my Mom spanks me once or twice a week in order to change my behavior. She does this with her open hand palm with both my pants and underwear down. At 16, I have wondered if I am too old for this form of discipline, but spanking has been in our family tradition. Also, my mom's church promotes spanking as a discipline. I've grown up with spanking, and for me, it helps "clean...

I've been thinking about death a lot recently. Standing in the road waiting for cars and stuff. It was getting better for a bit, but now I think I'm going downhill again. There was this guy, I think I'm in love with him, but he's abandoned me. He's older than me you see, but we talked all the time and he made me forget about everything, he even made me feel good. Obviously I didn't tell him about my issues, but I think he guessed or something, he avoids me now.
I went on top of the car park...

I renewed this blog.
I made it new, fresh, and strangely reminding me of white, padded rooms, which is not good 'cause those things scare me.
And reminds me that my sister is always saying to my mom in a non joking way, that she needs to get me into one of those rooms. How rude is that?
Anyways, since I last posted, I've given up on fear the obsession. It's more of a cannot forget this now.
Sometimes I wonder if I intentionally trigger myself of that, like smelling...

Wow that was fun, i spent most of my night pushing my drunk ass bf off me and holding my friend up. We had to leave the party earlier after an ambulance had to be called because we were climbing on the roof and a lad fell off.

I'm not really enjoying life at the moment, everything seems to find it's way of making me more depressed, i got home and my mom shouted at me for closing the door too loudly and then again for apparantly back chatting >_<.
Might just go and cut and...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of dealing with triggers in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you have to do to take part is log into...

So, I was addicted to cutting from 7th grade until 11th (I just ended my Junior year), but in January I went to the hospital for trying to kill myself. I went again in March because the week I spent in January didn't do much good and I tried to kill myself again, but this time I asked for help before I cut too deep. I have ugly scars all up and down my arms and legs and I hate them. I haven't cut since April, though, which is a big thing for me. Over the past few weeks, my dad and I have been...

I finally did it..messed up big time and now he's gone... >_<
I didn't mean to upset him like i did, he wouldn't let me leave but just went ahead and left himself...i'm so stupid. I should just get on with things but i can't, instead i just sit here and drink vodka and SH, i'm such a fail :/
I don't know what i was thinking when i thought things were finally starting...