Hey guys. I just needed to get this out of my system. Lately, for three or so years i have had this extreme pain in my left rib cage. It hurts and stabd when I touch it. It feels like it sqeeuzes that entire area sometims. I am really scared, because I think its a form of cancer. I am not sure, but I know I am at a high risk because of my artheritites. Yes, Im a kid, with RA. I have very scared, and realized if cancer woul destroy my life I would not want that to happen. So, I made an appuontment...

I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I'm sorry I lie
I'm sorry You don't know me like you want to
I'm sorry I don't trust you
I'm sorry I don't like you
I'm sorry I'm selfish
I'm sorry I'm not motivated
I'm sorry I'm rude
I'm sorry I hate being here
I'm sorry I don't open up to you
I'm sorry I don't make you smile
I'm sorry I can't laugh around you
I'm sorry I don't always do as you want me to
I'm sorry I'm fat
I'm sorry...

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June 1st: ACCEPTANCE: Craig, an openly gay high school student, offers tips on "coming in" just in time for Pride Month! http://bit.ly/j9pUAX...

I can't do this...

I have come to the conclusion that it must be me, i am the one common factor in all of this with my bf and parents....I deserve every bruise and cut i recieve...otherwise it wouldn't happen.

I'm just pathetic, i stand there and let it happen.. just grow up Charli...

cut cut cut

Prom tonight. As if I wasn't already nervous enough, J is being a dick.

Fashionably late.

I don't want to be late.

I want to know what time he's coming to get me.

I hate feeling this anxious. I'm scared. I was already scared.

He's been dating me for over a year. Surely he knows what I'm like? It's not even a big thing, either. I just want to get there on time and I want to know when he'll be picking me up.

I think I have finally snapped, finally broken.

Suddenly i just want to cut and bleed everywhere, I want to scream in the face of the people who have hurt me, to drink until i can't stand up. And then to finally take all those pills and actually succeed at it this time ....
I'm not the strong person they think I am, i'm broken, I can't be fixed anymore.

I can't take the pain or the urges for any longer.. i'm sorry..

For a couple hours I was happy.
Now my depression is coming back.......................
I am so alone
I have ruined everything
It is all my fault
I am so so sorry

I cant live like this

Today was a lot better than yesterday. Except that I've eaten too much.

It makes me angry, just how little self control I have.

I wish I could just stop eating.

I feel so bloated and fat right now and I hate it.

Prom tomorrow. I'm trying to act cheerful but I'm terrified. I don't want to dress up in front of people. I want to stay at home in bed.

I might not eat tomorrow. I'll be the thin girl who has so much self control...

I don't know what to think right now.

I don't know how to act.

I don't know what to do.

I'm considering dropping a load of the things I've said I'd do, loads of the writing. And then sitting down and completing the other stuff, so that it's done.

But that takes so much effort.

I just want to sleep.