So i messed up again. Always destroying everything. Letting everyone down. Why did i ever open my mouth. Now she hates me. i don't blame her i mean who wants to put up with me? even i don't want to live with myself and if i hate me how can anyone else possibly like me?

Don't really want to go back to school anymore. My favourite teachers just left and now i hate every lesson and almost everyone in the school. I have pushed all my friends away. Can't concentrate on work and feel so left...

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So it's definitely been a long time since I've been on here or posted anything but I just kind of need to vent. I've been in an on and off relationship for over a year and a half now. Kayce is my first love, though sometimes I wish I could quit him. He has put me through so much crap that most girls would be long gone and moved on. He has slapped, kicked, punched, and nearly choked me to death and still I am with him. Does this sound like love or some other sick thing? Cause lately, I'm not too...

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I haven't been on in a while so I'll catch you up. My parents still favor my sisters. My parents still yell at me for small things. I've cut so many times I lost count. I have severalrazors from objects that had them(I tore apart the objects for the razors). My life has been destroyed. My reason to hang on I don't love anymore. I want to overdose on my anxiety meds to see if it kills me. I want to die right now. My parents kno I've cut. They know about the first few but not the most recent. They...

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Why is life so confusing? Why can things never be completely good? It just shows what a failure I am, I'm pathetic! I say 'oh yeah I can throw it!' and everyone's expecting me to chuck it miles and win my miles and what do I do? Come third! Fucking third! I've won every year apart from today! And that's not the worst bit! I came 7th in Long Jump! I mean 7th is completely crap! I mean worse then crap! I mean SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! I'm meant to be sporty, I'm meant to do well at this, I'm meant...

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There are so many things i regret in life. I just can't stop think about them recently. I've been playing things over and over in my head. Trying to make sense of things but what if theres nothing to make sense of? What if this is it? I'm tired of fighting. I know what i have to do.

Feel so weak and broken. I'm irreparable and it's not like anyone even cares.

I'm sorry i'm not good enough. I'm sorry i'm not perfect. I'm sorry i'm alive.