Don't know How I feel. Just know I feel so alone. Clinging on to life by the skin of my teeth. One more Push and I'm going to fall further than I've ever fallen before and hope I never get back up again.

I don't get it. We were always together, she was always there for me. I thought she loved me. I really did.That just proves how blind I am. How stupid I really am.
This is one of the worst things that could have happened to me. So I guess I'm not going to quit sh-ing for awhile.
Usually during a breakup you think Fuck her, But I can't do that. I still love her. I'm overreacting, Theres plenty fish in the sea right? No, not for me.

I apologize for the rant. I'm just...

Today was amazing.
I went to Leda's house. It seems like its been so long since I saw her last. We went to the movies I almost cried when it was time to leave, but I'm allowed to visit her more often now. And she's allowed over.
And I told Jamie that I fell in a rose bush and got those scars. He almost cried, I feel bad about lying but its for the best. I played video games with him for awhile And he started to talk to Bill and Debbie a little !
I'm also trying to...

I'm falling apart right now but i can't let anyone see that. I have to keep it together somehow but its getting so much harder to fake a smile and pretend that everythings ok. I guess i have no choice though. I have to be ok...I am ok. If i say it enough times maybe i'll believe it. Who knows.
I'm just not coping at all at the moment. I'm on a self destruct mode and noone seems to even notice. I suppose i...

I've eaten too much today, way too many calories, I can feel the fat building up inside. Need to burn it off, need to exersize and move and make it get out, stop the weight.

I've put on weight since Monday, don't know what to do, too tired to exersize, just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, musn't stop moving though! I had too much last night, chocolate and booze = weight gain!

Must do something, think I need to cut, musn't let myself do it! Musn't let myself give...

My Dearest Blade,

I can feel you looking at me, I can feel you stare from your drawer, you want to be free from your home, you are good, you want to help me! I'm denying you happiness, I'm punishing you for doing all you know, all you ever have done, I even feel sorry for you, a fucking blade.

What's wrong with me? I need to cut but I can't, I need food but I've eaten too much already today, I can't keep busy, there's nothing to do to be distracted, I'm such a loser,...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of health in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas, so come along with your various health problems and we'll try to help you out! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific...

It's so stupid, I don't even know why i am so nervous about going to Paris!
I get to go and play music there which is great, but it's the people i have to put up with and the fact that i can't cut as i'm sharing a room with 3 other people. I don't know if i can do it anymore >_< What do i do if i get really triggered?!
I'm freaking out and i know it's pathetic but i can't stop....

It's been a really good day : )
My foster parents (Bill and Debbie) have taken in another kid ! His name is Jamie, he's 5. So far he's not talking very much, only to me ! : ) Hopefully soon he will get more comfterable with everything. He doesn't know about me or my situation, and I'm going to keep it that way for a while.
I know this is going to sound stupid because I just met him, but I feel like he's my little brother, and I have to protect him from people like my real brother...

i am a lot better. I do not want to kill myself any more. and i have not cut for 2 weeks. but i still want to cut. my depression is still bad. but i don't want to see a therapist.


My mom is really annoying me lately. she thinks that i miss her all the time, after like 1 minute of being a way from her. its gotten really annoying.

I have like 5 weeks before i go back to school. i don't want to. because whenever i go to school, i just have to pretend...