Supposed to be in school can't handle it right now. Just had a huge breakdown in the doctors. Felt so stupid. I don't cry I just don't. I don't know who I am anymore. Everyone says they're worried about me and I shouldn't be thinking like this. I don't want to be like this. I've pushed everyone away when I need people most and I can't stop there stupid images. I'm going to have to go fake a smile and go into school now. Pretend everythings ok.
Buying more pills tonight. Can't do this. ...

I am trying so damn hard. I can't take this. I'm supposed to be recovering?! If I could find my damn razor, I would cut myself. I have been cut free for how long now, and as soon as I want to do it, I can't. I am tired of hiding everything from everyone I know. Especially my wonderful, loving boyfriend. I HATE hiding things from him. We have been together for 2 years and 6 months, and yet I hide this from him.
Plus, he leaves in less than 2 months for Marines basic training and then...

Today was Jamie's birthday. I gave him the spiderman game I had gotten him. I think he played for like 6 hours:P We had a little birthday party for him, Just me, him, Debbie, and Bill. I think Bill's parents wanted to come but Bill said it would be better if they didn't, Because me and Jamie haven't met them yet. But they did send a card with money for Jamie Jamie was a little sad though, It is his first birthday without his parents. :\ But other than that it was fun.
I thought a little...

Source: Announcements forum | Thread.

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I can never write what I want to say... I want to let it out, I want to say what's on my mind, but I can't say it. Now how I want to. I always come out with something stupid, something that isn't what I mean, something that's not quite right. It makes all the difference, it means nothing gets out and everything is still trapped inside of me.


What I want to talk about:

• My urges to self harm, how I've started burning myself and I'm scared because I don't know how to deal with

...

...

So I guess I'm an idiot.

What am I doing! I'm a Stupid, pathetic child who can't do anything right!
I upset everyone, I am annoyed at myself but that doesn't mean I should take it out on other people. I just need to hold it inside, pretend it's not there and maybe it will go away >_<

After a horrible weekend I wanted to go visit some of my friends. So Bill and Debbie let me go to my old neighborhood for awhile.
I was walking towards my friends house when someone called my name. I turn around and one of my exes was standing there. She asked how I was doing and we talked for a minute but I could tell she was nervous, So I asked her what was wrong.
I didn't like the answer.
(I had slept with her a couple months ago before we broke up) She told me she was...

Camp sucked.
The first day they asked our opions on the "gays". Everyone said either their going to hell, or their horrible people. When it was my turn I said I was bi. So then everyday during free time I had to read the bible (probably wasn't a good idea to tell them I was an athiest)
We also had a 2 hour swim everyday. The first day I sat on the dock, No problem. The second day Jordan (some idiot from camp) asked why I wasn't swimming, So I told him I couldn't swim....