Spent two hours today on the Wii Fit stretching and exercising and balancing and playing games. It was really good. Was all sweaty by the end of it so I had a really nice long shower and borrowed some of my mum's fantastic smelling shower gel. It's amazing how brilliant a little exercise and self pampering can make you feel.
I really enjoyed doing the stretches and stuff so I wrote them down and I think I might do some more tonight. Decided that I really need to get more fit so I'm going...

Supposed to be in school can't handle it right now. Just had a huge breakdown in the doctors. Felt so stupid. I don't cry I just don't. I don't know who I am anymore. Everyone says they're worried about me and I shouldn't be thinking like this. I don't want to be like this. I've pushed everyone away when I need people most and I can't stop there stupid images. I'm going to have to go fake a smile and go into school now. Pretend everythings ok.
Buying more pills tonight. Can't do this. ...

I am trying so damn hard. I can't take this. I'm supposed to be recovering?! If I could find my damn razor, I would cut myself. I have been cut free for how long now, and as soon as I want to do it, I can't. I am tired of hiding everything from everyone I know. Especially my wonderful, loving boyfriend. I HATE hiding things from him. We have been together for 2 years and 6 months, and yet I hide this from him.
Plus, he leaves in less than 2 months for Marines basic training and then...

Today was Jamie's birthday. I gave him the spiderman game I had gotten him. I think he played for like 6 hours:P We had a little birthday party for him, Just me, him, Debbie, and Bill. I think Bill's parents wanted to come but Bill said it would be better if they didn't, Because me and Jamie haven't met them yet. But they did send a card with money for Jamie Jamie was a little sad though, It is his first birthday without his parents. :\ But other than that it was fun.
I thought a little...

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I can never write what I want to say... I want to let it out, I want to say what's on my mind, but I can't say it. Now how I want to. I always come out with something stupid, something that isn't what I mean, something that's not quite right. It makes all the difference, it means nothing gets out and everything is still trapped inside of me.


What I want to talk about:

• My urges to self harm, how I've started burning myself and I'm scared because I don't know how to deal with

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So I guess I'm an idiot.

What am I doing! I'm a Stupid, pathetic child who can't do anything right!
I upset everyone, I am annoyed at myself but that doesn't mean I should take it out on other people. I just need to hold it inside, pretend it's not there and maybe it will go away >_<

After a horrible weekend I wanted to go visit some of my friends. So Bill and Debbie let me go to my old neighborhood for awhile.
I was walking towards my friends house when someone called my name. I turn around and one of my exes was standing there. She asked how I was doing and we talked for a minute but I could tell she was nervous, So I asked her what was wrong.
I didn't like the answer.
(I had slept with her a couple months ago before we broke up) She told me she was...