This week has been strange. It's made me question a lot of things. Don't really know anything anymore. Don't even know why i should bother fighting this. Not like anyone really cares anyway. Don't know how much longer i can do this on my own.

Ugh. I'm lonely. I want to go home. I still have two weeks to survive.

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Well toddayy has been AWESOME!

I taught my mama to play chess... I can hardly play myself so it was weird...

We played 2 games! And I checkmated her both times That's the 1st time in my life thet I've ever checkmated anyone thus I'm rather extatic!

I swear my life is like a game of chess though, a game that I'm losing and about to go into checkmate. I'm constantly down and in check, then for random moments I get really really hyper, sometimes for a short...

I want to eat a biscuit. Stop guilting me into not eating it. I'm trying to get away from these feelings and you're not helping.

I think I hate travelling by car. And I hate getting food at service stations. And I hate the fact that J is still asleep.

But I now have Live Help access! Cue little happy party dance. I'm considering applying to switch from buddy to Helplink mentor when I get back from my holiday but I don't know if I can face filling in the application.

Soooooooo I had my interview for Interactive Media (Web Design) today.

And guess what happened?

She offered me an unconditional acceptance! So if I want to get in, all I have to do is reply to the letter they're sending me to accept the place and I start on August 22nd

Hell freaking yes!

I've been panicking about this for ages.

I can’t organise it, it’s a mess. There’s just so much. I don’t know where to start.
I want to go back to those times and tell myself what I know now. I want to talk to the girl who called the kids help line, said sorry, hung up, and then screamed in agony for a few hours because of all the pills she’d taken. I want to tell her that she didn’t need to hurt herself; she needed to care for herself. She didn’t need to apologise; she needed to talk about what was going on, tell the guy on the...

Why? Was I not worth it? Was I just something to be used? Did my childhood mean nothing to anyone? Why didn’t I get a childhood? I don’t even know what it would have looked like. I never had anything like it, so how can I even imagine? What was wrong with me? If they didn’t want children, why did they even try? They brought me into this world to be used, abused and abandoned. All these old stories that they think are meaningless or amusing; to me they’re signs that they should have seen, but missed....

This "special" home sucks. I have to share one small room with 3 other guys. And it smells like shit. Theres 4 other kids here:
-Shane
-Gordan
-Liam
-Delaney
Today was the worst day of my life. I don't even want to thing about Jamie's reaction when I said Bye