I don't want your help. I don't want to write a food diary for you. I don't want to stop counting calories. I don't want to stop losing weight.

But I want to feel happier. And you're the only person willing to help.

Perhaps I should go back to the counselor. Perhaps I should get him on my side as well. Because I know that even if I don't have an eating disorder, I have an unhealthy obsession with food. Perhaps I should keep a mood/food diary and show it to him. Perhaps...

Please Save Me.
Please Love Me.
Please Stop This.

Smile on my face, better watch your back, Archer.
Two faced mother fuckers get both jaws cracked.
You're sorry, oh, so you said.
One thing about you, I can't wait till you're dead.
It's got me fucked up. My anger I can't let go.
Will we ever be the same? Well, my answer is no.
You're a clown, I'm around, you want a war? I'll take you.
Stand aside, take a ride, I won't try, you're such a lie.
In the real world you get burned and stung.
...

I've been doing a lot of thinking today. And my girlfriend is right, sometimes there are people you're in contact with or friends with, or even just people you see around facebook or whatever, who aren't good for you. Even if you don't realise it at the time.
I came up with an idea earlier of putting my life into a book and kind of integrating it into a fictional story. I may or may not change the names but it's a way for me to be brutally honest about people, both good and bad, from a third...

Feeling a bit shit. Don't know why. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, can't face all those people, could cope with 1 or 2 but I haven't any friends in any classes tomorrow and I'm not up to it.
I know I promised to to feel down but I can't help it... I know I shouldn't feel like this and I'm being pathetic and I'm lucky to have the friends I do, but I can't help but feel so embarressed about it.
Please don't judge me, I knew my promise was going to be hard and at the time I did...

Typed out a huge blog. Then just deleted it. Don't really see the point. Noone cares, even i don't care about me. Ergh why do i even bother to fight this. CUTCUTCUTCUTOVERDOSECUTCUTCUT

Everything is so hard for me lately, my bf is going through a really hard time with illness in his family and i know i need to be there for him and to support him; but then i can hardly look after myself and support myself at the moment let alone support him too. I'm trying my hardest but i feel like i'm not helping at all.
With everything thats going on with him at the moment i'm so selfish...

I have to leave for college in 20 minutes. It's taken me the past almost half hour I've been up to make myself get dressed and ready.
I can feel it happening again. Started thinking of different ways to get out of college. Still am. But I can't.! SAAS haven't even approved my course funding yet. And they've moved the required attendance up to 95% which is ridiculous.
I thought it'd be better this year. Because I actually like the course and how much freedom I have over it. There's...

I really hate school. Today was the first day and I already got detention:P But it was for a really stupid reason, theres these 3 girls at my school and if your gay, bi, lesbian, ect they try to make your life hell. Anyways so me and Zane were walking by them minding our own business when they start telling us they hope we burn in hell and shit. (Zane's gay) I never really let them bother me but today I turned around kissed Zane and gave them the finger No big deal, but then the principal...

Feeling down, I promised myself I wouldn't do this, I promised I would stay strong, but I'm slipping, slipping big time.
I don't know what to do... I can't stay happy... Something will always bring me fucking down, even if nothing's wrong...
What do i do? I try so fucking hard... I do things I like, but something will make it turn to shit.
I think it was this girl L who brough me down... She invaded running club, somewhere I'm free, away from all the bitches at school... But...