I'm trying to stay positive i really am it's just so hard. Want to OD and Cut so badly

Wish i didn't feel so alone. Wish i could just open up but i won't let myself not after last time. Just struggling on my own; but I'm not going to let myself get hurt or let anyone else get hurt again. Besides i don't deserve friends. I deserve to be on my own and alone forever, i'm a horrible excuse of a person.

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There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of addictive behaviours in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you have to do to take part is ...

I don't know what is going on with me lately, I get upset and angry over everything. I find myself lashing out at those close to me and i know they are just trying to help. I love them so much but i'm really not showing it at the moment.
I failed myself again and i cut :/ I just felt like i lost control of myself. My bf doesn't know what to do about me anymore, i guess i'm just too broken...

I don't want your help. I don't want to write a food diary for you. I don't want to stop counting calories. I don't want to stop losing weight.

But I want to feel happier. And you're the only person willing to help.

Perhaps I should go back to the counselor. Perhaps I should get him on my side as well. Because I know that even if I don't have an eating disorder, I have an unhealthy obsession with food. Perhaps I should keep a mood/food diary and show it to him. Perhaps...

Please Save Me.
Please Love Me.
Please Stop This.

Smile on my face, better watch your back, Archer.
Two faced mother fuckers get both jaws cracked.
You're sorry, oh, so you said.
One thing about you, I can't wait till you're dead.
It's got me fucked up. My anger I can't let go.
Will we ever be the same? Well, my answer is no.
You're a clown, I'm around, you want a war? I'll take you.
Stand aside, take a ride, I won't try, you're such a lie.
In the real world you get burned and stung.
...

I've been doing a lot of thinking today. And my girlfriend is right, sometimes there are people you're in contact with or friends with, or even just people you see around facebook or whatever, who aren't good for you. Even if you don't realise it at the time.
I came up with an idea earlier of putting my life into a book and kind of integrating it into a fictional story. I may or may not change the names but it's a way for me to be brutally honest about people, both good and bad, from a third...

Feeling a bit shit. Don't know why. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, can't face all those people, could cope with 1 or 2 but I haven't any friends in any classes tomorrow and I'm not up to it.
I know I promised to to feel down but I can't help it... I know I shouldn't feel like this and I'm being pathetic and I'm lucky to have the friends I do, but I can't help but feel so embarressed about it.
Please don't judge me, I knew my promise was going to be hard and at the time I did...

Typed out a huge blog. Then just deleted it. Don't really see the point. Noone cares, even i don't care about me. Ergh why do i even bother to fight this. CUTCUTCUTCUTOVERDOSECUTCUTCUT

Everything is so hard for me lately, my bf is going through a really hard time with illness in his family and i know i need to be there for him and to support him; but then i can hardly look after myself and support myself at the moment let alone support him too. I'm trying my hardest but i feel like i'm not helping at all.
With everything thats going on with him at the moment i'm so selfish...