Past few days have made me think about a lot of things.

Do i really even matter?
Do i make a difference?
Would anyone really care if i wasn't around anymore?

Fell over today...
More to say me and a friend ran into each other and I ended up on the floor :P
It's not that we randomly felt like running into each other, we were playing netball and both of us playing centre wanted to win
Well yeah, we were desperate to get the ball and we ran into each other in the process...
Well, I'm the smaller one and thus ended on the floor...
Kinda embaressing, they were like 'omg look at your leg... Are you ok? Are you sure you're ok?...

So ive taken this stupid test 4 times. 74% 74% 69% and today i got a 74%! why the hell cant i pass this test!!?? I just want my permit!

I feel so fat.

I honestly don't know what to do. I've barely eaten all day, I've eaten the bear minimum today and I feel so faint and dizzy but I still feel huge. And whenever I look at myself I can just see this huge stomach sticking out. I hate it.

I couldn't even bring myself to eat a bit of carrot.

And soon I'm going to have to go down and face dinner. I don't know how I'm going to cope.

I want to cut so badly but I know I shouldn't....

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Crying. Crying & crying. Nothing more, nothing less.
Bryan got over me. I don't know how, but I think that was the final thing I needed to break. This has been a horrible week.
Got punched in the eye, by a guy, another guy dislocated my wrist then snapped it back together, then I fell, fillpped, skiinned my leg, bruised my thigh, and waist bone. A friend of mine lied about rape with another friend of mine. They both got suspened, & Mi might have to go to court for them, which...

I found out how to make an appointment with the school nurse today in assembly. I wasn’t 100 percentage sure in what people were meant to see her for but it turns out depression is allowed. She also said that unless we’re in danger she won’t spill, so I think if I really need someone to talk to in real life I’ll be fine. I just would have to be careful not to say too much, that would be a disaster.
Anyway, I think I’ll be ok. I’m doing not that bad now, well I think not that bad. Sometimes...

So far today has been really good. I met my little sister Ally for the first time, my parents gave her up when she was born. She is the cutest little kid. She has this moose thing and we played "dress up" with that for awhile. I'm trying to actually build a relationship with her because she is my sister. I didn't tell her about my brother or my dad, she's only nine.

so i have been thinking alot about everything everyone has said and i want to thank you for taking the time to just say hi. i have also thought again about how much i want to die. i'm ready to say good bye. yesterday i attempted to overdose, i took 2 caffeine pills, 6 tylenol, 5 benadryl, 2 nyquil, and 3 aspirin. i felt sick and almost puked. i stayed up until 11:30 writing in my journel before the benadryl and nyquil kicked in and i passed out.
i wish to God that it had worked. i prayed...

I went to counseling yesterday. Met the lady who im going to be seeing for 6 or more months. Her name is Jill. she is nice enough. She told me i can't stop going to her unless i stop cutting and havent cut for 6 months.And i have to be happy again. Thats never gonna happen. She asked if i have thought about or attempted suicide i said no. I sort of wish i had told her the truth but i couldnt. She would have to tell my parents. They can't know about it. They wouldnt understand.

I...