It's been such a long day, it's only 5, and it's nowhere NEAR being over yet.

Saw the doctor this morning, had a long talk with her and explained everything that's happened in the past year or so in terms of doctors and psychiatrists and stuff and why I was so confused because every different doctor says something different and tells me I have a different problem. So she said she thinks I should try a different kind of antidepressant for two weeks, and then go back to get the dose...

so a few years ago my depression hit me hard. i tried to kill myself, was self harming but no one saw. i started isolating and didn't like to talk. i quit singing which i'm really passionate about. my mom made me 2 appointments with a therapist but cancelled all others after that.
i'm still depressed but i have gotten better at hiding it. sometimes the thoughts build up and my wrist starts begging to be cut or burnt or bruised just so the thoughts will stop.
long story...

Theres one thing I don't understand. My friends tell me to stay strong, keep my head up, ect. But whats the point? I remember after one of my "attempts" my friends told me not to do that ever again, its not worth it. But whats one life going to do? Seriously though. Its not like I was going to do anything productive with my life anyways. I don't see the big deal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't care if someone comitts suicide. I actually spent awhile bawling my eyes out cause...

It's hard...
Now that Bryan and I are over for good. (Thankfully there's some sense there). But I feel empty. I feel like a crybaby. And everyone else NEEDS me for advice, or help.


You so strong, Hope.

No, I'm not. I cut my thighs everyday, cry myself to sleep.


Or..maybe Ii am strong, with the smiile plastered to my face.


Seeing othee peopl happy is what makes me live.

That's right, ladies and gents. Yesterday was six weeks since I last.. how do I put it. Since I last broke skin intentionally. I'd say cut myself, but I do that all the time without meaning to. I'd say hurt myself intentionally, but I did that about 5 weeks ago.
Basically it's 6 weeks free and those 6 weeks have flown. I think it's a good thing that I don't even really think about it much and haven't been eating less or wanting to overdose instead. I'm actually quite proud of myself if you...

I'm so selfish its unbelievable.
It's not right.
I can't believe some of the stuff I think.
I like to think I'm a good person.
I like to think I'm a nice person.
But I'm not. That much is obvious. If I was nice, I wouldn't think evil things.
I'm such a bitch.
I'm so ashamed of my mind I can't even say it out loud, I can't even say what I think.
Someone should come and kill me.
I need to be killed before I become well, I suppose like Tom Riddle....

Got a letter from college this morning. They've sent me a fucking invoice for £1285. I don't HAVE that kind of money. It's not like we have a bank account with 1200 quid to spare just sitting in case we need it. The reason for them sending me this? According to their information, SAAS aren't paying my fees. Actually, we don't know if they are yet because my application from over a month ago is still going through. They could at least have the common decency to wait until SAAS tell them whether they're...

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There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of facing the challenges of growing up in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All...

Everything was doing so good. But then I realized, The one person I trusted with everything doesn't give a fuck about me anymore. I don't know what to do. She literally knows everything about me, she got me to trust her, acted like she cared, and now when I need her, she's gone.
And Leda's pregnant, who knows who the father is but I'm an idiot so I'm going to end up babysitting the kid all the time and practically be its dad. I can see it happening.
Oh joy.

I have been cutting myself for almost 6 years now. But, I have been clean for about a month. Yay!
I started because a "friend" told me that it would help me feel better. So, I tried it. I just needed something to take the pain away. And it did. Everytime I did it, I became numb. It felt good. If I didn't do it deep enough, though, I would be in pain. So I have always made sure to cut deep. :\