If I manage to get to school I'll have to spend the day pretending I'm fine. I can't let him know I'm still struggling, I have to be nice, I have to be considerate and I have to pretend things are getting better.

If I can make it till Tuesday then I can talk to Pete. Not that I'll know what to say.

I saw Nolan today.

I tried to commit suicide yesterday. My bestfriend Blake saved me.
So, today Blake demanded I got his house. My other friend Zach, had invited me to go to Generals (food place), and I refused, I told him, and Blake, that if I go there and see Nolan there, I will cry. I will break down.

Blake didn't listen.

I got to Blake's house, and we went Generals. I couldn't go any where else, and I love Blake, so I went.
I saw...

I just want it all to stop. I want to over dose. But I'm scared. Not of dying. But of dying slowly. And then there's part of me that just wants to get ill and injured. A cry for help. But in my head I don't want people to know it was on purpose. Fake an accident or something. Then I can get off school and not have to worry about anything. And if I die then it'll be fine.

I'm collecting painkillers again. I don't know whether I'll take them. I'm scared but I want this to be over. But...

The wedding was beautiful. The bride had the most perfect dress, my cousin looked amazing in his kilt. My aunt and uncle came up from England so it was amazing to see them again. And as we were leaving my uncle had hugged me and was holding my hands, looking straight at me, and just asked me to please look after myself. No better way to induce tears, I had to bite my lip so hard because he looked so worried and upset. It was so good to see them again, and my aunt was beautiful.
But cheesiness...

Good Things:

• Just done Great Eastern Run
• Have Club Championships in the bag
• Lost a bit of weight

Bad things:

• Have 6 pieces of homework
• Only understand 2 of them
• Have a French Speaking Assesment on Wednesday
• Have to learn it all and I don't know one word yet
• Have English exam on Wednesday
• Have to get an A or else
• All homework apart from them in for tomorrow
• Don't have anyone to help me, have no way of understanding
• Detention in all subjects...
• That means after school, that

...

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He fucked with my heart.
Nolan.
The kid who is the pastors son.
He dumped my best friend.
Came to me, knew I liked him.
I fell for it
Asked me out .
Then dumped me.
All in one day.
Today.
I never needed my blade so muxh before.
It's incredibly stupid.
But I LIKED him SO MUCH.
He fucked with my heart.
And now I'm using the blade.

Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
No it's Melissa, falling, falling, falling,
SPLAT!

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/\
)==)=O>
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/

So, a couple years ago i came out to my parents and told them i was bisexual. and they chewed me out cause "it doesn't exist" they are all for gay rights and such but not bisexual. And to avoid any further problems with them i act straight. but they think im sexually confused. Its getting harder to pretend im not bi. Is there anyone out there that could give me just a little advice? if so, please, please help me!

FREAK!!!!!!!