what do you do when your own mother tells you to give up? when she tells you that she has no faith in you? do i completely shutdown? cause that is all i can do right now.

...

I feel lost without him.

And definitely an almost anorexic.

Those are my behaviours right now anyway. And my thoughts.

I'm just not at the right weight to be counted as one yet.

But I'm getting there.

And I don't even care.

I want to die
I can't fucking cope
So down
Don't see the point of living

Things are slowly getting better.
I haven't cut since Thursaday.
Alan is talking to me again.
My sister Steph is talking to me again.
The play we're doing is in two weeks.
Th CASHEE is a day before.
I have friends.
I have eniemes.
I have good grades. Makeing A's.
But something is still wrong.
No, it is not because I do not have a boyfriend or romantic love.
I think it is because I miss them.
I miss my Dad.
...

And I've learned, yet again, why it's a bad idea to put your trust in people.

They just lie to you.

At least if I were alone I could struggle more but not have to deal with the fact that I mean so little to people they can just mess me around all the time and know I'll go back to them. :/

Meant to be revising..
Cba
So tired and miserable..
Been tiding my room today with ma
Of course I had to hide some stuff in other places
But there's no room for most of it and it's just a huge pile half in my room half on the landing
Need to learn so much maths and english for when I go back
Will tomorrow though...
Hopefully I'll feel better soon
Hopefully I won't be so sad
Hopefully I'll be less of a pathetic idiot
I might as well...

*sighs* can't believe it
can't talk about it
made me cry though
then again i'd cried 4 times previously
think by the end i was on about 6 times of crying
cried another 2 since
that means ive cried 8 times already
so weak
and fucking mad