Today. Monday, Novemember 14, 2011
Was a weird day. I almost forgot I was alive for awhile, it felt good. I put on a mask && I really felt like was conpletely different person. It's weird, really. I find myself being myself around Travis. It is completely unnatural. He's my buddie. But. He kissed my cheek today. It was odd. But I ignored it. Haha. I like being buddies with him. He makes me feel like I can be my true, real self and he will still accept me. But everyonee thinks I like...

I just realized today that im failing 3 of my classes. I have an F and 2 D's. The F is in math which is normally my best class. My parents are going to kill me. I wish it was literal. My grades were fine for the first quarter of the year. But now they are dropping again. I might have my phone or internet taken away because of it. Id rather they take away my phone. I couldnt live with them taking away my internet. I hope they don't.

I was doing good with not cutting i...

I just can't hang on any longer, I'm not strong enough >_<
Need to cut and hurt, cut the pain away...

.

The sadness never leaves

: ' (

As if things weren't going badly enough for my family as while we were away two family members died, my grandad came around today and informed us that my great aunt has been given two weeks to live as she has a brain tumour.

I can't deal with all the upset and anger, I just was to cut again and again, I don't want to live anymore :/

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Had to go to this stupid meeting thing today.
It was basically a 'your reports are good have a couple of cookies' thing.
The only reason I get a good report is because I'm too scared to talk in all but 3 classes.
And it was horrible!
Cookies!
I couldn't refuse them and we had to eat them there...
I've had so much today, I'm so fat, I hate it.
And I've been surrounded by eating people all day, I hate it.
I can't believe how much I've had today......

so this years my first year of high school and before this year i had never really cared for a boyfriend...yea i had crushes but i was fine with just having my friends. and then high school happened.
This guy and i had been flirting for a few weeks and i really fell for him. Unfortunately, some stuff happened and everything ended. it wasnt too big of a deal because i realized he wasnt even worth it because he was flirting with many more girls.
Now, in one of my classes this sophmore...

Worse and worse
I fail at all I do.
A blessing or a curse?
I love you.
But my heart broke in two.
Was all we said..
Really just words to you?
Empty words.
Heart shattered
Feel used, Feel misplaced.
I didnt even matter.
I guess its done.
Can you tell? But you dont care about my tears.
This is nothing, This makes me noone.
Watch me turn around.
Say goodbye, a final time darling.
I cant look back, my word...

I remember when I used to laugh.
Now, I can't even break a smile.
I guess happiness has become my past.
My friends pass me by.
Oh, how I love each and every one of them.
I know I'm letting them down, but they can't see through the lie.
I told them I am a failure.
They either walk away or try to help.
But none can find the cure.
I guess I'm too far gone.
And I need a person.
But there was noone.
As I write everyone my final letter....