I remembered something randomly at college today and it's been bothering me all day.
Before we started high school, my cousin told me I wasn't allowed to tell anyone at the new school we were cousins. When I asked her why she just shrugged and said "I don't want them to know I'm related to someone so weird."

I've never been good at talking to people or making the first move. 9 times out of 10 I make friends with the wrong people and end up getting myself hurt. At...

I feel so bad for ranting on freahman. And Shay. She is like a really good friend I just blew some steam though.
It is ok right!?!
Someone tell me It was okay?!
Other then that...

I am so damn glad my thoughts are ranted on here then actually said to the person. Then I would be supperrr guilty I would cry :O !
Mmm.

All I did was tell you the truth. You asked me && I told you. I told you he was going to break up with you. That's what he told me! I have the messages! I have the damn proof! What do you have?
No proof!
So, you shot back with fire. Told me Eskie likes a bisexual girl. Liar! Stupid freshman!
How could you do that to me?
You are SO full of yourself.
You have a dad. You have mom. You got friends. You are gorgous. What the hell is your problem!?
Maybe...

I'd love to say that things have been great but then I would be lying. Anyway don't want to moan on about me. I've realised it doesnt matter and in the end noone really cares.

Test was all about suicide and euthanasia
I managed to come to the conclusion that suicide is a good thing and all Christians should give euthanasia to people that want it.
Aparrently that's not right...
I think I was meant to say that it goes against God or something...
I went on the opinion that God's a load of rubbish...
Not sure if I believe...
Well I do believe, but I don't worship...
I think this test of faith or whatever else it could be is rubbish...

Bullshit.
Bullshit, bullshit.
Everything is bullshit. Everyone is lying to me lately. They are all playing with my mind it is driving insane. Noone of this is going work. I am a useless human being takeing up somebodys precious air that they deserve and I don't.
I am useless.
I am a useless peice of bullshit.
I am a good for nothing nobody.
I am a failure.
I am stupid.
I am a hopeless romantic.
I am fat.
I am broken.
I...

I tried spice for the first time about a week ago now. I havent been sober since. Every time a start to get clear headed i want more. I know its not the drug thats addictive i just have an addictive nature... what do i do?

On study leave Revsision 24/7 and exams though
Scared about tomorrow, have ethics exam...
The paper triggers me It's all about death, euthanasia and suicide...
My philosophy paper today went ok... I definately did enough to get a B and I wouldn't be surprised if I got an A. I know this is jinxing it but hey...
Never feel as if papers go well so I'm in an odd way...
Off to revise Chemistry now, staying away from ethics, I'm so on the edge right now...

It's time for me to get up. I can't even begin to express how much I don't want to. But thanks to my unconscious mind I'm now terrified to be home alone.
I had a dream last night that I was in my old house alone when I saw someone outside the window. They saw me looking at them and started looking for things to throw. Brick at the window. I ran upstairs and hid ouside my room, the only place in the house I thought was safe. Locked myself in the bathroom with my phone and tried to call the...

He is confuseing me.
He says he likes me sometimes. && then he yells at me, saying he needs to think.

He is supposed to ask me out tomorrow afterschool.

I want to say yes.

But everything is telling me to say no.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I am so terrfied, it can't even be expressed.
I just won't go to school.
But Shays counting...