Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside, it's cold out side
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside, it's cold inside

And your slowly shaking fingertips
Show that you're scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?...

Today is a good day. i feel clear headed, awake, and alive. Its been awhile since ive had a day like this. Im not going to let anything get in the way anymore. No more letting people push me around. Im atheist, bi-sexual and i dont give a shit anymore what you think. If you dont like me you can fuck off.

I can't think.
Don't think, Hope.
Don't think, Hope.
Stop. Stop. Stop.

I have this headache that won't go away lately. I asked my grandma about it, she said she doesn't know why I would have a headache.She said she would take me to the doctor. I refused, I just said, "I'm tired. I'll be in fine in the morning." Well, I wasn't fine. And now, I know this headache won't go away. It's there because I try so hard not to think anymore. Everytime I think I...

Dylan Matthew,

Even though I never had a chance to meet you, I still love you. You will always be a part of me and I hope you are looking out for me. I hope you are proud of the life I'm living, I'm trying to make the best of everyday just for you.

Lately I have been wondering, who you would have been today? Today more than ever. I wonder if you would have been the protective brother or would you have just ignored me. I would hope it would've been the former, because...

"I find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad, that the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever ever had. Its a very very mad world"

Soo, if you read my last couple of posts, me an my mom do not get along at all.

But my mom came up to me yesterday when I was making supper and told me she is taking me shopping in Saint Cloud on Saturday, because she needs to talk to me.

So it's going to be me and my mom.......no one else..........all day........here's to hoping this goes well. Wish me luck.

There's a voice in my head telling me to lose weight. Just x more pounds. Just until you reach this weight. Just until you're underweight. Just until your BMI is this. Just until you die.

I wanted to get better but I can't do it on my own. I keep thinking I don't have a problem, like I'm in denial, but then I realise, like today, that this isn't normal and I'm out of control. But then the fact that I know I have a problem means that I can't have a problem because people with eating...

Dad, we haven't talked in weeks. It's begining to feel like months. Even years.
OH WAIT! You missed 14 years of my life!!!!!
&& this time you said you were going to be here, that you would never leave, that you promised.
Why did you lie?
It's like I do not even exist in your eyes. If you have time for my MOTHER (of all people) then why do you not have time for me?
I guess I will always be the forgotten child.
I wasn't worth haveing a loveing father...

Yesterday was amazing. It was the first day I’ve actually properly enjoyed for as long as I can remember. It was cold, wet and I had to queue for almost 4 hours, It was a 3hour drive but every minute was worth it. Me and my friend M had fun, especially finding out there was a place called Cockfosters Oh how mature are we. M's mom said she'll take us there seen as it amused us so much. We also annoyed one woman on the underground (which was actually over ground?) the lights kept randomly going on...

These past few days have been pretty good. My fake smile is getting me through.
But somthing happened with Bryan. You know, the 4 year exboyfriend? Ya. Him.
We started talking again. It was a real smile with him. He kept me laughing. I couldn't help laughing, it was too contagious. Everything with him is just ...just so...natural. And when I hugged him goodbye...I almost forgot he wasn't mine, and I wasn't his. Just for a moment. Just for a glimpse. I saw all the happy times we used...